In a scheme that took decades to come to fruition, in the 1960’s, chemical engineers and colleagues at MIT Mr. Edmund Shue and Dr. Masuki Gou, stumbled upon a proprietary formula that would spread like liquid and eventually form a protective, hardened shell.
Mr. Shue and Dr. Gou, in addition to being brilliant chemical engineers and longtime pals, were shrewd and calculating salesmen. (Some say greed, even more than adhesives, is what truely held this partnership together.)
Realizing this adhesive needed a captive market, they knew that selling this product for ordinary household uses would never give them the filthy lucre necessary to fuel their wild, cocaine-encrusted, orgiastic, lavish lifestyles the two brilliant, yet flawed men desired.
While discussing how to somehow create a market that would somehow be hopelessly addicted to their adhesives, one of their research assistants, a pretty but shy graduate student (with a talent for sticking her nose in places where it ought not be) named Ms. Grieep Taape (named after her Netherlandish grandfather and Swedish great-godmother) walked in after overhearing the two adhesives experts and suggested a plan....The kids were starting a new craze called, in those days, “sidewalk surfing.” It was like the sport you know that is done in the water, but they used wheels mounted on a piece of wood to simulate a surf board.
“What if,” Grieep suggested, “we three use our background in adhesives to create a destructive form of gritty tape to give these regular kids something to rip their shoes to pieces on? THEN they have to buy our shoe adhesive to FIX THE SHOES WE RIPPED!!! That way, we make our money coming and going! With your two brilliant minds and my help, we’re going to be rich!”
“They will never fall for that!” decried Mr. Shue. “You have mistaken the honora-bru intensions of American teen-ager Miss Taape-son!” said an angry Dr. Gou.
But late into the night, they planned, and they schemed. Then they took a break. Then they schemed some more. The two men eventually saw the wisdom in what their assistant said. The abrasive product for the sidewalk surfers would be called “Grip Tape” (named after the young grad student.)
Mr. Shue and Dr. Gou decided to make a play on their names, and called the product “Shoe Goo.” They then immediately cut Ms. Taape out of the deal (it was a different time in gender relations, sadly.) The bright young woman who actually came up with the idea never made a penny.
Shue and Gou succeeded in their hedonistic persuits as jet-setting multi-millionaires. They have their private islands, mountains of cocaine and a harem of gorgeous women who exist only to pleasure them. But their souls have eroded away long ago, much like the soles of so many Circas and Osiris and Vans their products destroy and yet simultaneously protect.
What happened to Ms. Taape, you ask? Well she, had a brief career before falling in love and marrying an honest man outside of the adhesive industry. She grew old with that man she loved, had a family... even watched her kids grow to give her lovely grandkids that she sees every weekend. She doesn’t miss her Tuesday bridge game (no matter what!). And she even joined a skateboard message board in her free time... she goes by SneakySecrets. Yes, that’s right, that woman is me. Thank you for letting me tell my story to you. While I still don’t understand what it is you kids do with your skateboards, I’ve grown to admire it. I say go get ‘em and keep doing what you’re doing because I’m loving it guys!
Topic: Skateboarding conspiracies thread (Read 175310 times)