ive smoked 5 packs from friday till this morning...
me and this girl I just started seeing are already going downhill because of her insecurity issues about how i don't care about her at all. She says I ignore her, but this is hard to control because we always are in a group of like 20 kids who all want to talk to her and I usually get left out. and every time i try to make one on one time she says she doesn't have enough free time/time management skills to make that happen regularly...
Ive begin to realize that I have no friends my age. all of my close friends are either a few years younger than me or 30ish. Im okay with this, it just makes my school life seem pretty empty...
I look 16 years old even though im 19. although i will probably like looking younger when Im a few year older, right now it kills me. I have had kids on campus ask me If im old enough to be here, and its about the lamest shit ever. It reminds me of high school when I looked thirteen and was seventeen, and bros would tell me to go back to the middle school across the street...
all in all im a pretty happy person, but I get fuckin depressed sometimes...
duuude! 19 is such a good age at which to enjoy life! it's trivial at times, but life is always trivial. it just hits you around that point and you've got to roll with it. school isn't the place to make friends, dude, i'm going to be 25 in a few months and just today i re enrolled for the fall after being off since 07. the girl i'm seeing is 21 and was just accepted to boston college for grad. school... the situation could suck if i wanted it to, but it's all good! looking young will get you laid. by the time you hit 20 or 22 you'll not be thinking about the bro's in high school anymore...
as for my confession of the day...
i'm now in a relationship with a pretty dope girl. she's good looking, likes to have sex and as she says "play" as often as i'm willing, she doesn't cook though... only thing is is that i haven't been locked down since 2007ish and i'm not really feeling the arranging my schedule to involve someone else, dealing with another persons shitty day, listening to someone whine or bitch, only to say to myself "dude, where's this going to go?" Then i say to myself, "ahh, but you've you this girl who is doing something with herself! she doesn't sit around drinking and getting high all day, goes to school, and is absolutely in love with you like a high school student... everything you've bitched to yourself about wanting over the past 4 years..."
i start weighing the positive and negative aspects
positive:attraction is high
DTF all day, at least over the past month, bj's and tit fucking included
intelligent
motivated
doesn't gripe about my music or skating
likes to travel
negative:lives with a terrible parent
is kind of constantly melancholy
kind of anxious and not full of self esteem
doesn't drink or smoke at all
stated "children are parasites"
doesn't like to go out to clubs/bars... only museums and shit like that... which is great, but on a friday night?
and i'm having difficulty coming to a conclusion. fuckin a