real confessions

[brycickle]

Butt sex is morally wrong and they should reintroduce sodomy laws.

[Coastal Fever]

I fucking love Doug Stanhope.  I wish I could joke around with people in the same way without them calling me a negative bitter prick.

[SodaJerk]

I've been tryin to get my girl to take it in the ass for quite awhile now. She had never tried it before nor had I, so I kinda figured ya know just lube her starfish up nice and good and go for the gold. I also wore a condom which I usually don't do, but I mean idk I don't want shit on my dick? Anywho first time we go for it we're both pretty drunk and my dick is big enough to where it hurt her. Like a lot. She was crying by the time I got ~1/2 in and then slipped in further really quickly. It clearly wasn't happening, and now she's hurting and I'm still hard wanting to get off so I end up pretty much jerking off on her tits. Lame.

At this point we realized that this was no ordinary thing, that it would take preparation (H?). So I guess she does research and comes across this video.



Useful advice from a cute girl on buttsex? PERFECT! So I take her advice and start throwin a finger in her butt while fucking to get her used to it. I have to admit, i was nervous that my finger would smell like butthole. But after the first go round with ol fingerbutt it was good, she liked it, my finger did not smell, I  was overall pretty psyched.

A little too excited? Next go we're both again kinda drunk, and I overplayed my cards and went for 2 fingers in le poop hole. She's holding back tears but wants me to keep going, which I'm reluctant to do obviously. But she tries to jam my fingers in there real good, and just can't hold it in anymore and stops. Bummer man.

I am definitely discouraged, haven't even gone for the finger again and idk if it'll ever happen (at least with her). I guess I technically had buttsex once tho? Oh well. She licked my butthole once and it tickled and I didn't dislike it.

You can't just lube up and rush in there, the biggest challenge is just getting her to relax. Start by using a little stimulation when going doggy style, using your thumb, don't go jamming it in there use the flat it like you pushing the buttons on your playstation just breaking the seal not going for full penetration. Take it slow and let her back up into it rather than you pushing harder. Same thing when your going down on her, then when you feel her relaxing into it get a finger or two if you can but take it slow and retreat if she starts seizing up. Get some tougne in there too, it's trust thing and she'll probably love it. If she's into it don't be scared to get her a butt plug, nothing big or too hard. Get that in there until she learns to relax the muscles. When she's good and ready take it slow, let her back up on you. Plenty of lube and if your not sure then the condom is a good idea because sometime shit does happen but not very often. It sounds like she's down for so good luck man.

[MuchasGracias]

Just fucking go in raw mate.

[chockfullofthat]

^exactly, just do a line of cocaine put on a GG Allin record and let her fucking have it. 

[69]

so i got high last night and put some seinfeld on, i never realized how much all the characters are mocking one another and george cops it pretty badly. what if im like george and everyone is making fun of me and im not even realizing it? what if i am to realize this subtle disrepect, is that any better? just knowing its going on? or do i need to teach myself how to retaliate?

theres gotta be a better way, right??

[ChewyPoo]

^exactly, just do a line of cocaine put on a GG Allin record and let her fucking have it. 

How do I gnar you

[Coastal Fever]

Wish I had watched this video years ago.  They say porn leads to depression and kills motivation.  I'm giving it up.

[paraquat]

Wish I had watched this video years ago.  They say porn leads to depression and kills motivation.  I'm giving it up.

This shit changed my life. Sometimes we forget how primal are brains still are. He has another YouTube series that is good. Sorry for not linking, not on wifi.

[neko]

Wish I had watched this video years ago.  They say porn leads to depression and kills motivation.  I'm giving it up.

I don't know about the depression part, but of course it kills motivation. Who wants to do anything else when you've got your dick in your hand?

[Made In China]

Expand Quote

put your fingers in your own ass see how many you can fit

[close]

Sound advice.

probably the only thing I've ever agreed with 69 on

[Rumpleforeskin]

i mean what is the point to life? what is right and wrong? good and bad? does anything really matter at all?

Hahahaha cool!

[Hairy Ballsagna]

69 is the funniest slap poster

[IanBZHD]

So, referring to an earlier post i made in this thread. --- EX GF kept me hanging on,bummed, blahblah-- I've been trying to be normal and be happy.

So i was talking to this new girl for a while, kept it pretty chill cuz i didnt want to move things too fast, she is the the dating type not the one-night-stand type. Well, as a 'surprise' her EX came back from california to visit without telling her. So of course, the girl whose been texting me day-to-night for a while, this is reallly going to surprise you... STOPS! ahh yeah its one of those shit things that happens, but i was actually into her which kind of sucks.

Indiana/Illinois girls really suck, man. If you don't live here, dont come here. You'll be bummed.

[69]

i am fragile

[Morty Seinfeld]

Feeling really low. After being off drugs for over a year now, my girlfriend tells me that she doesn't trust me to stay sober. She says I'm not the same person I used to be, that I'm overly self-centered, I think I'm better than everyone else, etc. She doesn't support me skateboarding or any endeavors that I have. It's getting to the point that I don't want to be around her, but I really don't have anywhere to go. I don't have a single friend in this state. The only friends I have are 1500 miles away. It's not fun being lonely.

[L33Tg33k]

I keep typing post for this thread and then deleting them.

[LESBIAN]

Feeling really low. After being off drugs for over a year now, my girlfriend tells me that she doesn't trust me to stay sober. She says I'm not the same person I used to be, that I'm overly self-centered, I think I'm better than everyone else, etc. She doesn't support me skateboarding or any endeavors that I have. It's getting to the point that I don't want to be around her, but I really don't have anywhere to go. I don't have a single friend in this state. The only friends I have are 1500 miles away. It's not fun being lonely.

grow up kook

[LESBIAN]

I keep typing post for this thread and then deleting them.

spill the beans!

[neko]

Feeling really low. After being off drugs for over a year now, my girlfriend tells me that she doesn't trust me to stay sober. She says I'm not the same person I used to be, that I'm overly self-centered, I think I'm better than everyone else, etc. She doesn't support me skateboarding or any endeavors that I have. It's getting to the point that I don't want to be around her, but I really don't have anywhere to go. I don't have a single friend in this state. The only friends I have are 1500 miles away. It's not fun being lonely.

To the second part: lame. If she doesn't support you skating, she's gotta go.

To the first part: is she right? If so, do you / have you considered seeing a therapist?

To the last part: you've got my sympathy, I've moved away from all my friends before. Keep skating, you'll make new ones. Loneliness sucks but you can make new friends.

[dillanharp]

I keep typing post for this thread and then deleting them.

I do that with long facebook rants. Sometimes it's just therapeutic getting it typed out.

[Made In China]

It's summer break and I spend most of my time at home doing nothing productive. I listen to the Smiths over and over and just watch movies on the computer. Granted, half of the time I have to watch my little brother, but I've been staying home even if I don't have to. I feel lonely all the time and like I'm wasting the golden years of my life away or some shit. I think I'm becoming seriously depressed too. It doesn't help that everyone else I know seem so content and fucking happy with their lives.

Don't tell me that it's easy to make friends, all I have to do is put myself out there or some stupid shit. It's not that easy.

[Monty Burns]

Most people on slap dont know this about me , but Im serving a life sentence at Folsom prison . The isolation is hard enough to deal with , my dreams are often about trains , going other places , taking me away from folsom . What really kills me in the dreams  is all the rich people in the other cars living their lifes , eating fancy food ...

My mom always told me not to play with guns , and I guess thats my message for you guys .  I dont even know why I did it . I just did it to do it I guess . too see what it was like to see somebody die


Dont go down my path ,   sorry for venting but sometimes its just too hard .

[twitchflip]

^one of the nicest dudes on slap turns out to be serving a life sentence for murder? mind = blown

[MuchasGracias]

Most people on slap dont know this about me , but Im serving a life sentence at Folsom prison . The isolation is hard enough to deal with , my dreams are often about trains , going other places , taking me away from folsom . What really kills me in the dreams  is all the rich people in the other cars living their lifes , eating fancy food ...

My mom always told me not to play with guns , and I guess thats my message for you guys .  I dont even know why I did it . I just did it to do it I guess . too see what it was like to see somebody die


Dont go down my path ,   sorry for venting but sometimes its just too hard .

Johnny Cash references?

[dillanharp]

^one of the nicest dudes on slap turns out to be serving a life sentence for murder? mind = blown

You should be confessing you're a gullible fucker...

[doomstation55]

It's summer break and I spend most of my time at home doing nothing productive. I listen to the Smiths over and over and just watch movies on the computer. Granted, half of the time I have to watch my little brother, but I've been staying home even if I don't have to. I feel lonely all the time and like I'm wasting the golden years of my life away or some shit. I think I'm becoming seriously depressed too. It doesn't help that everyone else I know seem so content and fucking happy with their lives.

Don't tell me that it's easy to make friends, all I have to do is put myself out there or some stupid shit. It's not that easy.

Well if you're bored at home doing nothing just get a job. It may sound like it sucks but sometimes completing some type of work is fulfilling and makes you feel better. You'll probably meet new ppl, have a reason to leave the house, save some money for yourself, be able to buy some more shit, etc. Doesn't have to be anything serious, shit work at a restaurant and you'll probably be perfect.

[Made In China]

Expand Quote

It's summer break and I spend most of my time at home doing nothing productive. I listen to the Smiths over and over and just watch movies on the computer. Granted, half of the time I have to watch my little brother, but I've been staying home even if I don't have to. I feel lonely all the time and like I'm wasting the golden years of my life away or some shit. I think I'm becoming seriously depressed too. It doesn't help that everyone else I know seem so content and fucking happy with their lives.

Don't tell me that it's easy to make friends, all I have to do is put myself out there or some stupid shit. It's not that easy.

[close]

Well if you're bored at home doing nothing just get a job. It may sound like it sucks but sometimes completing some type of work is fulfilling and makes you feel better. You'll probably meet new ppl, have a reason to leave the house, save some money for yourself, be able to buy some more shit, etc. Doesn't have to be anything serious, shit work at a restaurant and you'll probably be perfect.

I just got a job at the movie theater actually, I have orientation next Tuesday. My friend works there and he says it's the worst thing in the world and he's already looking for a new job.

[paraquat]

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

It's summer break and I spend most of my time at home doing nothing productive. I listen to the Smiths over and over and just watch movies on the computer. Granted, half of the time I have to watch my little brother, but I've been staying home even if I don't have to. I feel lonely all the time and like I'm wasting the golden years of my life away or some shit. I think I'm becoming seriously depressed too. It doesn't help that everyone else I know seem so content and fucking happy with their lives.

Don't tell me that it's easy to make friends, all I have to do is put myself out there or some stupid shit. It's not that easy.

[close]

Well if you're bored at home doing nothing just get a job. It may sound like it sucks but sometimes completing some type of work is fulfilling and makes you feel better. You'll probably meet new ppl, have a reason to leave the house, save some money for yourself, be able to buy some more shit, etc. Doesn't have to be anything serious, shit work at a restaurant and you'll probably be perfect.

[close]

I just got a job at the movie theater actually, I have orientation next Tuesday. My friend works there and he says it's the worst thing in the world and he's already looking for a new job.

I'm almost positive its not the worst thing in the world.

[Monty Burns]

Heh nice work from Nallid and  MuchasGracias  ,  tried to not be too obvius with it but I guess I failed

dont worry  twitchflip  !