real confessions

[GAY]

I have social anxiety in crowded areas other than skate parks/ spots.

My social anxiety ramps up everywhere...particularly when other skaters are around. Makes for some lonely skatin'.

[smokecrack]

broke up with my girlfriend for 15 years , my wife, 3 months ago, she got depressed and lost her mind and soul, medics just made things gone worse, she slept with several assholes because of the deshinibition effects, like a free whore, our life together is totally fucked, but i keep my mind clear for our 4 years old daughter, skateboarding is a great help too....

i'm so sorry this happened to you.  i remember reading this post of yours a few months ago and it broke my heart.

Thanks for the good vibes, pals, i really hope things will get better, i don't want to loose my little family

i seriously was brought to tears when i first read it. i'm not a married man/have no children, but i sincerely felt your pain.

hopefully you can hang in there and be as optimistic as possible. i wish you the best, man.

[paraquat]

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I just want to say thanks for listening to my bitching. I've got no one else. It's very evident right now because I can't even get anyone to come to the bar with me even when I'm trying to bribe them with weed and drinks. I just want to go to goth night once. My anxiety is going through the roof.

[close]

the shit you talk about is pretty serious. i have a few questions though...

do your friends know that you post on slap? and if they do, do they know your name?

and do they actually know what youre going through? like have you ever sat down and really verbalized your feelings to them and allow them into your world?


slap is good for you since everyone here generally likes you and it seems like youre a decent enough person that deserves happiness, but slap can only give you so much. the message boards are nothing compared to real human contact, you know a real person to person bond. the mind craves it, and even though youre talking to everyone through the computer youre still never actually looking at another person.

what about the friends that you have from skating? if i remember correctly you posted a video of you skating and you were with a bunch of guys that were hyped on the trick that you did, i mean why not go out with them?

are you still having a hard time with girls?

[close]

First thing you guys gotta understand is there was no time in my memory that I've been happy. I had no friends until I was 17. I hung out with nobody in school, was constantly bullied, and had already had multiple massive panic attacks on campus. I transferred to a charter school in my sophomore year because I couldn't stand going to school any more. It was around that time that I figured out that I didn't have to keep living if I didn't want to.The people that I knew up to that point were just acquaintances of circumstance. There were a couple of brothers that moved to my neighborhood that would always come to my house to skate with me. They were the most horrible abusive bastards towards me. I couldn't get away from them because they knew where I lived and I sort of didn't want to get away because then I'd be alone again anyway. I'm also pretty certain they stole a couple expensive and meaningful things from my house, but I'll never know for sure. We would skate with the neighborhood heads that I didn't really know how to talk to. Everyone knew who I was though. The brothers finally got out of my life when they moved/got incarcerated. With their departure also went my lifeline to skate community because I never approached anyone, never had anyone's numbers, and felt downright uncomfortable going to people's houses. When a skatepark opened up down the street from my house that was the first time I thought I formed real relationships. The skatepark used to have a fee to get in so everyone would see the same people everyday. It was $30 for three months. Only people with the ability to put together that type of scratch every 90 days could get in so it was a highly exclusive club. I think I became good friends with two people in particular, but that friendship has pretty much faded. Either I didn't understand how relationships worked between people, or I was never as close to certain people as I thought I was. Either way, my understanding of social interaction had been permanently skewed and informed by the loneliness that was the majority of my life.   The people you saw in that clip were an amalgamation of the people that I got to know over all those years. They were making fun of me because I never get clips so they pretended to lose their shit over what I would consider an embarrassing trick.

As for girls, I've never had trouble with girls. You have to know girls to have trouble with girls. It's also kind of hard to convince yourself  you have something to offer a woman when you hate your own guts. Now I'm certain I could talk circles around the majority of people and convince a girl that I'm the shit, but I'm not comfortable putting on that mask in real world situations with real world consequences. I'm completely not attracted to most females I see based on their perceived personalities. I know that's an unfair sentiment because I can't possibly know a person until I speak to them, but it's a hard feeling to shake and it's even harder to approach. I hate the idea of the chase and the shitty facades people put on to do their ritualistic courting. I'm disgusted every time I see it. The thing is, how the hell am I going to see behind other people's mask if I don't make the effort to make them comfortable taking it off? It's like that Shel Silverstein poem someone posted recently.

[close]

The stuff I bolded are things I've gone through or notions that I agree with, that being said, I also agree with your overall theme which, please correct me if I'm wrong here, is that you hate life because everyone is fucking shitty which has resulted in some serious negative personal imagery on your part.  Sadly it's true, 99 percent of people just fucking suck but I'd like to try to retain some hope that it's the shitty people that really make you appreciate the good ones.  I was in a very similar mind frame to you so I decided to move across the country.  Have you ever considered just moving and making a fresh start?

[close]

Oh, no no no. You're not the first person to get that impression so maybe there's more truth to it than I realize, but I don't feel like I harbor animosity towards anybody or people in general. I just don't feel like it's possible for me to happy in this world because people don't jive with the way that my brain works. I feel like I run on linux to everyone else's windows. I don't blame anyone for it. I just can't make myself assimilate. I often find myself struggling to understand why anyone continues with life or how they could possibly be happy with the predicament of existence. Are they just going through the motions because it's all they know or because they no choice? Does anyone genuinely enjoy it or are we all just making it day to day? As someone that doesn't enjoy it, why should I have to subject myself to it? And shit, why should I have to be scared of ending it? It's all very existential. Maybe I'd want to stick around if I got into hedonism.

Longest quote in slap history like 47.5 inches

[L33Tg33k]

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I just want to say thanks for listening to my bitching. I've got no one else. It's very evident right now because I can't even get anyone to come to the bar with me even when I'm trying to bribe them with weed and drinks. I just want to go to goth night once. My anxiety is going through the roof.

[close]

the shit you talk about is pretty serious. i have a few questions though...

do your friends know that you post on slap? and if they do, do they know your name?

and do they actually know what youre going through? like have you ever sat down and really verbalized your feelings to them and allow them into your world?


slap is good for you since everyone here generally likes you and it seems like youre a decent enough person that deserves happiness, but slap can only give you so much. the message boards are nothing compared to real human contact, you know a real person to person bond. the mind craves it, and even though youre talking to everyone through the computer youre still never actually looking at another person.

what about the friends that you have from skating? if i remember correctly you posted a video of you skating and you were with a bunch of guys that were hyped on the trick that you did, i mean why not go out with them?

are you still having a hard time with girls?

[close]

First thing you guys gotta understand is there was no time in my memory that I've been happy. I had no friends until I was 17. I hung out with nobody in school, was constantly bullied, and had already had multiple massive panic attacks on campus. I transferred to a charter school in my sophomore year because I couldn't stand going to school any more. It was around that time that I figured out that I didn't have to keep living if I didn't want to.The people that I knew up to that point were just acquaintances of circumstance. There were a couple of brothers that moved to my neighborhood that would always come to my house to skate with me. They were the most horrible abusive bastards towards me. I couldn't get away from them because they knew where I lived and I sort of didn't want to get away because then I'd be alone again anyway. I'm also pretty certain they stole a couple expensive and meaningful things from my house, but I'll never know for sure. We would skate with the neighborhood heads that I didn't really know how to talk to. Everyone knew who I was though. The brothers finally got out of my life when they moved/got incarcerated. With their departure also went my lifeline to skate community because I never approached anyone, never had anyone's numbers, and felt downright uncomfortable going to people's houses. When a skatepark opened up down the street from my house that was the first time I thought I formed real relationships. The skatepark used to have a fee to get in so everyone would see the same people everyday. It was $30 for three months. Only people with the ability to put together that type of scratch every 90 days could get in so it was a highly exclusive club. I think I became good friends with two people in particular, but that friendship has pretty much faded. Either I didn't understand how relationships worked between people, or I was never as close to certain people as I thought I was. Either way, my understanding of social interaction had been permanently skewed and informed by the loneliness that was the majority of my life.   The people you saw in that clip were an amalgamation of the people that I got to know over all those years. They were making fun of me because I never get clips so they pretended to lose their shit over what I would consider an embarrassing trick.

As for girls, I've never had trouble with girls. You have to know girls to have trouble with girls. It's also kind of hard to convince yourself  you have something to offer a woman when you hate your own guts. Now I'm certain I could talk circles around the majority of people and convince a girl that I'm the shit, but I'm not comfortable putting on that mask in real world situations with real world consequences. I'm completely not attracted to most females I see based on their perceived personalities. I know that's an unfair sentiment because I can't possibly know a person until I speak to them, but it's a hard feeling to shake and it's even harder to approach. I hate the idea of the chase and the shitty facades people put on to do their ritualistic courting. I'm disgusted every time I see it. The thing is, how the hell am I going to see behind other people's mask if I don't make the effort to make them comfortable taking it off? It's like that Shel Silverstein poem someone posted recently.

[close]

The stuff I bolded are things I've gone through or notions that I agree with, that being said, I also agree with your overall theme which, please correct me if I'm wrong here, is that you hate life because everyone is fucking shitty which has resulted in some serious negative personal imagery on your part.  Sadly it's true, 99 percent of people just fucking suck but I'd like to try to retain some hope that it's the shitty people that really make you appreciate the good ones.  I was in a very similar mind frame to you so I decided to move across the country.  Have you ever considered just moving and making a fresh start?

[close]

Oh, no no no. You're not the first person to get that impression so maybe there's more truth to it than I realize, but I don't feel like I harbor animosity towards anybody or people in general. I just don't feel like it's possible for me to happy in this world because people don't jive with the way that my brain works. I feel like I run on linux to everyone else's windows. I don't blame anyone for it. I just can't make myself assimilate. I often find myself struggling to understand why anyone continues with life or how they could possibly be happy with the predicament of existence. Are they just going through the motions because it's all they know or because they no choice? Does anyone genuinely enjoy it or are we all just making it day to day? As someone that doesn't enjoy it, why should I have to subject myself to it? And shit, why should I have to be scared of ending it? It's all very existential. Maybe I'd want to stick around if I got into hedonism.

[close]

Longest quote in slap history like 47.5 inches

Apparently you've never seen Gipper's posts in his heyday. We can keep working on this one though.

[greenmilktea]

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I have social anxiety in crowded areas other than skate parks/ spots.

[close]

My social anxiety ramps up everywhere...particularly when other skaters are around. Makes for some lonely skatin'.

i'm the same exact way, unless i'm with some friends it feels like i just can't function on a skateboard anymore. i'm either too annoyed with everyone around me or too self conscious and end up feeling like everyone is just staring me down

[the snake]

thank you sodajerk and smokecrack, i appreciate

[arthurspooner]

im addicted to sleeping pills

[ThugWaffle]

im addicted to sleeping pills

I used to be addicted to sleeping pills. Well I wouldn't say addicted but I diagnosticated myself with insomnia. I was scared to lose a night sleep if I didn't take em. That's pretty much addiction, anyways, I eventually just stopped taking pills and and when I really can't sleep i just take melatonin.

[ill_Murray]

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im addicted to sleeping pills

[close]

I used to be addicted to sleeping pills. Well I wouldn't say addicted but I diagnosticated myself with insomnia. I was scared to lose a night sleep if I didn't take em. That's pretty much addiction, anyways, I eventually just stopped taking pills and and when I really can't sleep i just take melatonin.

Shit is on some miracle pill status.

I hate my roommate, so I fart on his pillow every chance I get.

[SodaJerk]

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im addicted to sleeping pills

[close]

I used to be addicted to sleeping pills. Well I wouldn't say addicted but I diagnosticated myself with insomnia. I was scared to lose a night sleep if I didn't take em. That's pretty much addiction, anyways, I eventually just stopped taking pills and and when I really can't sleep i just take melatonin.

[close]

Shit is on some miracle pill status.

I hate my roommate, so I fart on his pillow every chance I get.

You know you can't buy melatonin here in the UK.

When you fart on your roommates pillow do you say something cool like "Sweet dreams fart face"? Or "Ass-ta la vista you pink eyed bastard"?

[ill_Murray]

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im addicted to sleeping pills

[close]

I used to be addicted to sleeping pills. Well I wouldn't say addicted but I diagnosticated myself with insomnia. I was scared to lose a night sleep if I didn't take em. That's pretty much addiction, anyways, I eventually just stopped taking pills and and when I really can't sleep i just take melatonin.

[close]

Shit is on some miracle pill status.

I hate my roommate, so I fart on his pillow every chance I get.

[close]

You know you can't buy melatonin here in the UK.

When you fart on your roommates pillow do you say something cool like "Sweet dreams fart face"? Or "Ass-ta la vista you pink eyed bastard"?

Haha you can rest assured I will now.  Did you guys ever get your porn ban situation figured out?

[ThugWaffle]

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im addicted to sleeping pills

[close]

I used to be addicted to sleeping pills. Well I wouldn't say addicted but I diagnosticated myself with insomnia. I was scared to lose a night sleep if I didn't take em. That's pretty much addiction, anyways, I eventually just stopped taking pills and and when I really can't sleep i just take melatonin.

[close]

Shit is on some miracle pill status.

I hate my roommate, so I fart on his pillow every chance I get.

If you really hate him take his toothbrush and brush your ass then put it back.

[JB]

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im addicted to sleeping pills

[close]

I used to be addicted to sleeping pills. Well I wouldn't say addicted but I diagnosticated myself with insomnia. I was scared to lose a night sleep if I didn't take em. That's pretty much addiction, anyways, I eventually just stopped taking pills and and when I really can't sleep i just take melatonin.

[close]

Shit is on some miracle pill status.

I hate my roommate, so I fart on his pillow every chance I get.

[close]

If you really hate him take his toothbrush and brush your ass then put it back.

just tell him you had sex with his wife. that'll get him.

[CumOnYourFace]

I hate my roommate, so I fart on his pillow every chance I get.

My old roommates used to say Jim Crow-type shit all the time. I would piss in the sink, if I came home late. Also, whenever I was really drunk, I used to wipe my ass on the insides of my roommate's clothes, that were on hangers, in the laundry room. They were really soft Jordan sweatpants and sweatshirts.

[SodaJerk]

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im addicted to sleeping pills

[close]

I used to be addicted to sleeping pills. Well I wouldn't say addicted but I diagnosticated myself with insomnia. I was scared to lose a night sleep if I didn't take em. That's pretty much addiction, anyways, I eventually just stopped taking pills and and when I really can't sleep i just take melatonin.

[close]

Shit is on some miracle pill status.

I hate my roommate, so I fart on his pillow every chance I get.

[close]

You know you can't buy melatonin here in the UK.

When you fart on your roommates pillow do you say something cool like "Sweet dreams fart face"? Or "Ass-ta la vista you pink eyed bastard"?

[close]

Haha you can rest assured I will now.  Did you guys ever get your porn ban situation figured out?

Porn ban, what porn ban?

[L33Tg33k]

Seriously, how much does a decent hooker cost?

[CumOnYourFace]

^
I think depends on the area. I have no personal experience. One time when I was close to blacking out, I ended up going with two guys to a strip club. This was only because they were getting Taco Bell. After they were done, I was puking in the parking lot of the club. Some redneck was telling the guys, "These women are teases...they'll take yer money. But, if you want to go home with one, you can take them home for the night, for $137."

Porn ban, what porn ban?

I think someone got sued by a Bang Bros. or Brazzers, for torrenting porn.

I ended up drinking after five days of sobriety. I guess it's a step in the right direction, considering I had two pints. Honestly, I have no desire to get drunk. My anxiety is the only reason I even drank tonight. It felt awkward to sit, while waiting on a friend. I stared at ESPN, for barely a minute, before ordering a beer.

[Made In China]

In my mind I'm convinced that I'm going to tell this girl how I feel about her very soon. At first, I had nothing to lose because she's moving across the country for college, but now I'm pretty close friends with her and a couple of other people and I'm afraid that doing it would mess that up. It's the end of senior year for us so it's a weird situation. At this point, I'm probably still going to do it because I can't get it or her out of my mind.

[tobey]

so today at 9:30 am im going to the college i dropped out of to meet with a counselor to see what classes i can take on May 27th for the summer. My anxiety is been good but today literally has to be perfect cause if i get a panic attack just by meeting with someone for 30 minutes how would i be able to go to a class for a couple hours of the day. Which i think i might be fine because when i see my doctor he runs late every time i go there so i usually wait 45 minutes every time before i even get a chance to talk to him. I have really bad anxiety when i drive but the college is 1.5 miles away from me (yeah i looked it up) so i should be fine, i have been driving farther than that to get lunch from time to time. If i feel anxious at all today it will destroy my life, like i said a couple pages back i have hope but if today goes bad  all that hope will be gone and probably be the first time i get actually depressed in my life. So wish me good luck, and tell me its going to be alright!

[SodaJerk]

so today at 9:30 am im going to the college i dropped out of to meet with a counselor to see what classes i can take on May 27th for the summer. My anxiety is been good but today literally has to be perfect cause if i get a panic attack just by meeting with someone for 30 minutes how would i be able to go to a class for a couple hours of the day. Which i think i might be fine because when i see my doctor he runs late every time i go there so i usually wait 45 minutes every time before i even get a chance to talk to him. I have really bad anxiety when i drive but the college is 1.5 miles away from me (yeah i looked it up) so i should be fine, i have been driving farther than that to get lunch from time to time. If i feel anxious at all today it will destroy my life, like i said a couple pages back i have hope but if today goes bad  all that hope will be gone and probably be the first time i get actually depressed in my life. So wish me good luck, and tell me its going to be alright!

Good luck. First try, no warm ups. You'll be fine.

[Jim and Dan]

im addicted to sleeping pills

These will give you a run for your money Arthur . . .

[L33Tg33k]

Well, I'm in San Diego and if anyone could help me get a safe competent hooker, that would be cool.

[shark tits]

Well, I'm in San Diego and if anyone could help me get a safe competent hooker, that would be cool.

i'm into hookers lately too. if you make your way to massachusetts, i'll treat.

[CumOnYourFace]

Well, I'm in San Diego and if anyone could help me get a safe competent hooker, that would be cool.

http://sandiego.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/

They prefer to be called "escorts."

[dillanharp]

Well, I'm in San Diego and if anyone could help me get a safe competent hooker, that would be cool.

You're so close to Mexico. TJ or Ensenada and visit a brothel. Fuck it, Cabo's a 2 hour flight, make it a vacation. Wrap it up and you're good. I'd be sketched out by getting a hooker here. Nevada is an option as well.

[ill_Murray]

Well, I'm in San Diego and if anyone could help me get a safe competent hooker, that would be cool.

I'm telling you man, just make the 2 hour drive north and come to LA.  My friend Brian loves hookers, he'll sort you out.  We can shred as well post hooker copulation so its a win-win.

[tobey]

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so today at 9:30 am im going to the college i dropped out of to meet with a counselor to see what classes i can take on May 27th for the summer. My anxiety is been good but today literally has to be perfect cause if i get a panic attack just by meeting with someone for 30 minutes how would i be able to go to a class for a couple hours of the day. Which i think i might be fine because when i see my doctor he runs late every time i go there so i usually wait 45 minutes every time before i even get a chance to talk to him. I have really bad anxiety when i drive but the college is 1.5 miles away from me (yeah i looked it up) so i should be fine, i have been driving farther than that to get lunch from time to time. If i feel anxious at all today it will destroy my life, like i said a couple pages back i have hope but if today goes bad  all that hope will be gone and probably be the first time i get actually depressed in my life. So wish me good luck, and tell me its going to be alright!

[close]

Good luck. First try, no warm ups. You'll be fine.

It went way better than i expected, i was there for about an hour an half and maybe thought about my anxiety for like 5 minutes. Im so pumped for classes now, this boosted my confidence so much, i needed this. Thanks for the response!

[paraquat]

Do it leet.

[ThugWaffle]

I've been thinking of going to college for a bit, but I don't think I'm good enough. I was homeschooled in high school and I feel like I'm a little out of the loop.

[paraquat]

I've been thinking of going to college for a bit, but I don't think I'm good enough. I was homeschooled in high school and I feel like I'm a little out of the loop.

Good enough for what? I felt the same when I made the decision to go to school. When I started going, I realized that the majority of people attending college are pretty dim. Start slow and work hard.