real confessions

[hufs calve muscles]

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I'm seeing this amazing girl that I'm madly in love with and she's moving across the country in a few days.

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That sounds painful to deal with, is she moving permanently?

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I know a bunch of you have said "anxiety" and the like..  and I kinda get it... And then I don't. You guys are are in your 30's?

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I am in my 20's. I think social anxiety or any kind of anxiety can be kind of hard to relate to or comprehend if one has not experienced it themselves. Would you mind elaborating what you feel you don't get about it, are you puzzled about the nature of said anxiety or just about how it can keep someone from tappin dat azz?

(I kinda didn't word my question properly.)

Dude.. Nail on the head. If you've never had a panic attack you can't really speak on it. Shit is the worst.

I'm asking because you BOTH seem to have your heads screwed on very tightly.  But I spose that is easy to fake being on the internet. Not that I'm calling you fake. At all. You both come across as full of confidence!!

I've suffered from all kinds of anxiety. I've had panic attacks with two hands full of grocerys.. Had to literally drop them.. And run out of the shops. I've had them at work. I've had them hanging out with chicks. Shit, I've had them at the skate park. I used drinking as a way of controlling it but I just became a miserable, socially incapable alcoholic.

Only child. In and out of the system. Blah blah blah.  I was about 7 when my father punched me in the face for the first time... clean knocking me out. And I'd wake up to my poor mother apologising for him.  That happened a bunch. But he knew no different. In year 9 I had a girlfriend (Lara Cox. Who went to star on Heartbreak High on TV here. So funny looking back.. I still have all these love letters from her)
Anyway one of my closest friends also liked her so he made up a rumour about me saying racist shit about the school bully big dog . I got beat up a few times, knifes, bats etc. and not ONE of my friends helped me. They were worried about getting in the bullies way. I had to swap schools and a shitload of stuff that is rather not say.


I get valium prescribed but it's getting harder and harder to get here. I only get 10 a fornight at 5mg each.  They do nothing.

BUT... Back to my original point - I'm 36 now and am finally understanding life. Or not understanding it is a better way to put it. Shit happenes. I can't control it so I stopped trying to.  I drink WAY less. I stopped doing hard drugs (3-4 day hangovers really start to fuck your everyday life up)

Anyways my 30's are starting to be the best of my life.  My 20's were awkward as fuck and I hated them. My teens were worse.

[hufs calve muscles]

Sorry. I just talked about myself a whole bunch.

That's one thing I haven't really had any problems. Shrinks, AA, whatever... Talk about my problems till I'm blue in the face. They never helped.

Sorry. I'm doing it again.

[SodaJerk]

Sorry. I just talked about myself a whole bunch.

That's one thing I haven't really had any problems. Shrinks, AA, whatever... Talk about my problems till I'm blue in the face. They never helped.

Sorry. I'm doing it again.

Fuck Huf's CF you should not feel bad about letting this type of shit out on t'internet. I say this with all sincerity that the struggle is real. Keep being true to yourself and defying your dads conditioning to be a better person.

[hufs calve muscles]

Thanks so much man. I mean it.

The being true to yourself is so spot on.  But as a confused 20 something was hard to do.

I spent the latter part of my 20's being someone who I was not. I would get in fights for no reason because I thought it would make me tough. I hit 6'3 tall and about 100kgs. After getting beat up by my father so much and the school bully thing I turned into the person I hated the most.  I also learned to take a punch and keep going.
I started hanging more with my graff friends who were always getting into it. I'd didn't even write much but was going to war with rival dudes. I did some bad, bad things that at the time thought was ok.

Thank god I kept skating.

[L33Tg33k]

I'm having fucked up mood swings. I'll be watching a cartoon and suddenly every negative thought in the world falls on me with the force of a grand piano. I lay on my bed with my hands on my head as it seizes me for a minute or so. In that moment I know if I had a gun in had the trigger would get pulled. Then it passes.

[hufs calve muscles]

Luvox keeps me from mood swings. But I know what you are going through.

I would get so mad with myself I'd would hit myself in the head... over and over out of rage.
Then I would see a girl in a wheelchair and feel so guilty for being healthy and with use of my legs... tears would well up. I felt so dumb.

At my local store there is a dude always asking for money. I know damn well he uses it to cop. But he has this sign saying how he needs money for food.

One day I was going to buy food cause I hadn't eaten in a while and my card bounced. (My jobs payroll fucked out and didn't pay me)

I walked out of the store and kicked his at hat which was full of change into the air.

My pay went in the next morning and I went back and gave him $100. Dumb.

[Early Hokus Pokus]

All my friends went out and didn't even ask if i wanted to go... But when they need a favor I'm their go-to man. The pride side of me doesn't care and my other side is bummed.

[hufs calve muscles]

Do you not smoke or drink?
I've had the same happen when I've given up certain things.

[tobey]

so a really good friend of mine called me tonight at 1 am but my phone doesnt work for phone calls so i texted him explaining that and he said is this homedopt kev? i said no its kevin gallagher, its been an hour since that text and im going to assume hes not going to call or text again anytime soon

[hufs calve muscles]

You better go to the hospital asap b

[tobey]

^ABD four years ago

[hufs calve muscles]

For weird texts?

Jokes.

Why did you end up in hospital??   In the states if you end up in hospital for like... an OD or mental issue do you have to pay??  We have a very good set up in Australia for that stuff.

[hufs calve muscles]

Also - how much does an ambulance ride cost there?  Here it's about $650 last time I checked.

I've had friends half dead driving themselves to the hospital cause they can't afford/don't wanna pay the ambo fee.

One time me and my two friends were black out drunk in the city.  One was my best mate who can fight with the best of em who I always feel safe with. The other was a graff friend who has full on anger issues/is a scary ass dude and last I knew was moving ice in Thailand of all places. No one has heard from him in about a year. I pray he's not dead but life is very cheap there. And the drug scene over there is nuts.

Anyway, all 3 of us got rolled on by a group of dudes and all 3 of us knock out. The next thing I remember was my friend waking me up in hospital saying we had to bounce before they could give us the 650 ambulance fee. None of us had ID on us. We woke up our other mate who got hit so hard he shat his pants.  He had a jumper on over his gown which we thought was funny. We walked home super out of it. We had all been concussed and should not have left. We went back to mine and had beers for breakfast.

On the news the following night was a story on the said group of dudes (around 10 of them) saying how they had been smoking meth and beating up random people for the fuck of it. Not even robbing them. Just stomping them out. They had got a bunch of people including us. They got caught from CCTV footage.

[tobey]

well when i was 18 i was on k pins and would basically only take them when i would drink cause i wanted to get fucked up. Well one night i ran out of beer so i took about 4 of those and still wanted to drink and everything was closed. So i threw a brick through a beer distributor place and stole about 6 cases of beer and drank as much as i could till about 6 am. i had a appointment for some anxiety treatment center that day so i went there and i was still messed up. So they told my mom that the only way they would continue the interview if i go get blood work done right now. I went to the hospital and just fell asleep right on the bed there and when i woke up there was two detectives there asking me what i did last night, they knew anyway. So the doctor over heard us talking and decided to 302 me ( i think thats what its called). which means you go to a mental hospital with out your will and the mental hospital i went to was in the gehtto and literally everyone there tried to kill themselves or harm someone else. I also was the youngest kid there cause i was 18 so they put me there with the adults that are like 30 and 40. I got checked in there thursday night and i got to leave monday cause the doctors werent there in till monday and as soon as they asked me a couple questions and realized i was never in danger to myself i was just trying to get fucked up that night.

the ride there cost about thousand dollars

[L33Tg33k]

The cost of a stay at a mental institution and the ambulance ride there was nothing for me because I had insurance. If you don't have insurance God hates you.

[Early Hokus Pokus]

Do you not smoke or drink?
I've had the same happen when I've given up certain things.

I do. What bugs me is the act of them going out without even asking me if I wanted to come along then messaging me how great the night is going. I would of probably turned them down, but I don't know, it's just I expect people to treat me how I treat them.

[nice_guy_2]

https://www.google.com.au/#q=whinge

[hufs calve muscles]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuckwit

[nice_guy_2]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuckwit

thats not very nice

[NikeSBRepresentative]

I don't think OJ Simpson killed Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson.  There's no conclusive proof and OJ is such a nice guy.

[JB]

The cost of a stay at a mental institution and the ambulance ride there was nothing for me because I had insurance. If you don't have insurance God hates you.

you must have pretty good insurance l33t. my younger brother is on my parents insurance and hes been in and out of ERs, mental institutions, ICUs, ridden in ambulances, ect. from overdoses and suicide attempts and they've dished out over 100k of their retirement on his bills.

the shitty thing is that my mom has worked at a hospital for over 10 years and they give their employees some of the shittiest insurance.

[L33Tg33k]

I'm trying really hard right now. I signed up for classes at a community college, I'm looking into joining an adult baseball league and yoga classes, I called a lot of people in an effort to be social, and I vowed I would start skating regularly again. I don't know that it will help, butt fuck it, I'm putting everything into not being a piece of shit any more. I may be just having a manic episode, but I'm trying my hardest to keep it going. I've already been knocked down a few times today. In those moments the overwhelming sadness and suicidal ideations were nearly unbearable, but after an hour or so I've been able to recover and keep mostly positive. This is probably the longest time I've ever been optimistic.

[@thewilleasley]

I'm trying really hard right now. I signed up for classes at a community college, I'm looking into joining an adult baseball league and yoga classes, I called a lot of people in an effort to be social, and I vowed I would start skating regularly again. I don't know that it will help, butt fuck it, I'm putting everything into not being a piece of shit any more. I may be just having a manic episode, but I'm trying my hardest to keep it going. I've already been knocked down a few times today. In those moments the overwhelming sadness and suicidal ideations were nearly unbearable, but after an hour or so I've been able to recover and keep mostly positive. This is probably the longest time I've ever been optimistic.

good for you man you just gotta be persistent and keep trying. your heart's in the right place i feel like if you just stick with it and try to learn from your mistakes more than getting sad/frustrated you'll find that happiness your looking for in due time. effort is the key here so the fact that you're even trying to be more optimistic than usual & being proactive about things is good progress.

[pinche gringo]

I'm trying really hard right now. I signed up for classes at a community college, I'm looking into joining an adult baseball league and yoga classes, I called a lot of people in an effort to be social, and I vowed I would start skating regularly again. I don't know that it will help, butt fuck it, I'm putting everything into not being a piece of shit any more. I may be just having a manic episode, but I'm trying my hardest to keep it going. I've already been knocked down a few times today. In those moments the overwhelming sadness and suicidal ideations were nearly unbearable, but after an hour or so I've been able to recover and keep mostly positive. This is probably the longest time I've ever been optimistic.

That's good to hear man. I wish you the best.

[the snake]

I'm trying really hard right now. I signed up for classes at a community college, I'm looking into joining an adult baseball league and yoga classes, I called a lot of people in an effort to be social, and I vowed I would start skating regularly again. I don't know that it will help, butt fuck it, I'm putting everything into not being a piece of shit any more. I may be just having a manic episode, but I'm trying my hardest to keep it going. I've already been knocked down a few times today. In those moments the overwhelming sadness and suicidal ideations were nearly unbearable, but after an hour or so I've been able to recover and keep mostly positive. This is probably the longest time I've ever been optimistic.

yeeaah man ! yoga classes and skateboarding regularly are the keys to feel better

[SodaJerk]

I'm trying really hard right now. I signed up for classes at a community college, I'm looking into joining an adult baseball league and yoga classes, I called a lot of people in an effort to be social, and I vowed I would start skating regularly again. I don't know that it will help, butt fuck it, I'm putting everything into not being a piece of shit any more. I may be just having a manic episode, but I'm trying my hardest to keep it going. I've already been knocked down a few times today. In those moments the overwhelming sadness and suicidal ideations were nearly unbearable, but after an hour or so I've been able to recover and keep mostly positive. This is probably the longest time I've ever been optimistic.

Good to hear l33t, keep it moving man and ride the wave.

[dillanharp]

This place is a shithole but it fills gaps in my day though. I find many of the people who post here insanely misguided and have been poking the hornets nest. So thanks for providing me with some comedy throughout the day.

[the snake]

This place is a shithole but it fills gaps in my day though. I find many of the people who post here insanely misguided and have been poking the hornets nest. So thanks for providing me with some comedy throughout the day.

[hufs calve muscles]

This place is a shithole but it fills gaps in my day though. I find many of the people who post here insanely misguided and have been poking the hornets nest. So thanks for providing me with some comedy throughout the day.

The people who post in this thread? Or Slap in general?

[dillanharp]

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This place is a shithole but it fills gaps in my day though. I find many of the people who post here insanely misguided and have been poking the hornets nest. So thanks for providing me with some comedy throughout the day.

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The people who post in this thread? Or Slap in general?

Slap in general. There are a lot of great people here, but there's also a ton of fucking morons.