I'm trying really hard right now. I signed up for classes at a community college, I'm looking into joining an adult baseball league and yoga classes, I called a lot of people in an effort to be social, and I vowed I would start skating regularly again. I don't know that it will help, butt fuck it, I'm putting everything into not being a piece of shit any more. I may be just having a manic episode, but I'm trying my hardest to keep it going. I've already been knocked down a few times today. In those moments the overwhelming sadness and suicidal ideations were nearly unbearable, but after an hour or so I've been able to recover and keep mostly positive. This is probably the longest time I've ever been optimistic.