I'm kinda new here, but I just had to do this.
Here I go:
The last year or so when I was still in high school I had really found the way of living that works out for me, I stopped drinking (here in belgium you're allowed to drink at 16, but It's normal to start earlier), eating meat, masturbating,eating chocolate and unnatural products, basicly was (and still am) living a kind of buddhist live within our western society, not letting myself be distracted by sex or envy or other foolish emotions. I was really happy this way, with drawing, skating and making videos as my only 'earthly' outlets.
But now I am going to college, and I live in a student room (in a 'kot' as we say here, don't really know how to say it in english.) during the week days and go back home in the weekends. For some reason, the time while I'm here I really can't seem to find happiness anymore, the campus is really big, and I can't handle the extreme amount of people there, especially when they all talk to eachother in an aula and the sound echos against the walls, I'm close to getting some sort of panic attack every time that happens.
But most of all, I really miss my best friend from high school. not like, I feel alone and miss my friends, but like in the way you miss a girlfriend. And the more I think about it, the more I realise that I'm in love with him. I've been in love with another guy in the past, but that did not end up well, and I've been in love with girls as well, so what does that make me, like, a bisexual? I'm a bit confused, and only seem to be happy when I go home to go skating with my friends in the weekend, and when I'm here I'm just scrolling the slap forums killing time.
I'll probably delete this if I get this all figured out, but it's just kind of for a therapeutic purpose that I'm posting this.