Mannnn, thoughts about the past really fuck me up sometimes. Like usually I don't really mind talking about my mom n shit like that with other people because I've accepted it and moved on, and every things all good since I moved out from AZ but sometimes I just be high sitting there thinking about some random shit like my cat dragging in a decapitated rabbit head because she loved me and I just get allll fucked up n teary eyed. Like forreal there was so many staples in my life that lost in the past 2 years its like sometimes i don't even realize it until that cloud just comes over me and hits hard as hell. I watched that same cat i just mention come out of the womb and raised it ever since. she was about 13 years old when I held her as they put her down, so she'd be around for the majority of my life at that point, through so many different phases & eras. But yeah, that cat's dead now. That orange cat that was on my mixtape cover? dead. my first and only dog? dead. best friend i grew up skating with? dead. my grandpa who was basically my surrogate father figure? dead. Family friend who was a part of some very memorable moments in life? dead. then of course the person solely responsible for my entire existence and upbringing is dead too. The point was to have new beginning's when I moved to AZ which has been cool but at the same time its like 95% of everything that made me who am today simply just doesn't exist anymore. Those people, places, and things I've always known & identified with are either long gone or 1700 miles away. Even when i went back to my hometown for the 4th, all my favorite skate spots were fucked, key places were either torn down or replaced with something totally different (i.e. "The Cookie Shack" across the street from my middle school is now a cigar/smoke shop). Sometime it just really weirds me the fuck out because for 19 out of the 21 years I've been on this earth, that's all I'd known. I remember times where I just couldn't even stand my mom because we were basically joined at the hip forever and now when i talk about her to people out in AZ its almost as if she's some mythical creature or something. I dunno man, its like ever since I woke up to that coroner knocking on my door, my life was NEVER the same. the 2 year anniversary of her death comes on the 23rd but i swear it almost feels like 3 or 4 years ago. its like soooooo much shit has happened in that block of time that I don't even comprehend certain things until way after the fact.