it's really stupid and i kind of regret even saying that. because i really really enjoy skateboarding, when i actually am rolling, kickflipping, grinding, or slamming. I pretty much stopped skating for like 6 years for reasons that I really regret, and didnt really feel like were in my control at the time (even though in retrospect they were). most of the self-discouraging shit comes from me beating myself up when i get really really stoked on skating like i am now. since i just graduated college in august, i am looking for where i want to get a job. and i keep looking at jobs and what city they are in and do all this research about skateparks, skateshops, spots, weather, etc. and then i start thinking like "fuck, i really am not that good at skating, and have abandoned it before, i always stick on my noseslides for christ sake, so why would skating even be a factor about where i would live." i know that it is bullshit, but its good for me to confront it and work through whatever mental blocks i have about caring about skating so i can keep rolling, because i know that is what i want.
so whoever read that, thanks. it actually did help just to write what i'm thinking about and knowing that someone might read it.