I think I can talk about sex on this forum because I don't see you guys in real life. I want to talk about it with my therapist/psychiatrist/group, but I can't because it's embarrassing and uncomfortable. Not embarrassing because I'm a virgin, but because the idea of sex bothers me so much. Uncomfortable because talking about sex with platonic relationships is weird. I constantly think to myself why am I so caught up on such a petty thing? It's just another stupid urge I can't get away from. I desperately don't want to be preoccupied by it and that in turn probably moves it to the forefront of my mind. Sometimes I think if I had it just once I would care about it much less. I know libido doesn't work that way though. I get so depressed when I see porn because it's an experience I'll never have. Jealous when I think about other people being active because I'll never be that intimate with another person. This triggers other thoughts of failure which throw me into a further depression. Thoughts like, "I deserve to be lonely", and "I'll never not be a loser". It just fucking hurts and I'm so embarrassed and disgusted with myself that it effects me so. There are far more important things in life for me to be concerned with. I'm embarrassed of this post.
dude the more you say shit like "ill never do this" or "I'm a loser" the more you're just gonna find reasons to confirm that to yourself. nigga you still probably 10x better off than someone like you who doesn't even have some popular internet persona to vent to or anything like that. What exactly makes you think you
deserve to be lonely? its not like you have a terrible attitude and do other people wrong on the regular. you might be a little weird and have your quirks but we all do. You're just not giving yourself the right to be happy. there really aint nothing I can say now that i haven't before but seriously...if all you're gonna do is tell yourself that you suck 24/7, then obviously you're gonna reap what you sow. its not like you're a total asshole dude, you just don't give yourself enough opportunity to even
try to get the things you want. before sex you need to just work on general social skills n shit like that. you're never gonna be happy with anything until you're happy with yourself. you could fuck a girl right now and it'd be a great experience n all that but 2 weeks later you would find yourself in this same cycle because your
mentality is what's setting you up for failure. You're your own biggest hater. you wouldn't even treat someone else the same way you treat yourself. you need to start LOVING yourself and be glad about the things you DO have and be appreciative that you even have a voice on here that people listen to. you may feel lonely a lot of the time but you're not truly
alone in the sense that absolutely no one knows or cares about you. before you listen to all these internet nerds who are actually probably in the same boat about all this bullshit about sex, just focus on establishing a good relationship with YOURSELF because you can never truly love someone until you love yourself, and thinking anybody outside of yourself is gonna automatically make you like yourself any more than you do now is a recipe for disaster. It all starts from within man, only you can start to make the change. you need to start talking more positively to yourself and instead of focusing on the negative, be thankful for what you do have and focus your attention things that make you happy. sounds like a bunch of trivial shit that everyone would seem to know but not everyone actually lives it out on a day to day basis. CLEARLY your current thought process isn't giving you the results you want so maybe its time for a different approach. you truly do have a sense of humor and a kind heart and are probably smarter than what you would give yourself credit for. theres absolutely no reason for you to hate yourself as much as you do. forget about what the fuck you THOUGHT you were and start painting that mental picture of yourself that's a lot more satisfying to you, because the more you do that, the more you'll find ways to reinforce it and maybe you'll start to flip that cycle of self-loathing into a cycle of self-development and personal achievement. Don't set some bullshit goal like "ima fuck some chick by next month so i can finally love myself". Start by setting small goals like "I'm going to make an effort to talk to more people than i usually do this week" and even if you only talk to a couple people or whatever and the results aren't super-life changing you'll still be able to track that progress and gain some more positive momentum. Baby steps man, baby steps.
EDIT: the fact that i even took the time out my day to write all that up and that multiple people have consistently responded to these posts of yours many times over the years should be further confirmation that you are actually a fairly well-liked person
when you give yourself a chance.
Topic: real confessions (Read 1745843 times)