A lil deeper than not stoked on, these holidays, not a complaint but a confession. So my parents are dicks, punished me too much as a child, never ending, 3 days locked in room for gods name in vain type shit. Caused me to create my own world and dissociate from the idea of family. I like seeing my extended family but when my parents are there I get dead eyes, become mute, enter that safety world, lock up. So my options are not see them, see them and just sit in the corner for 30 mins and leave, or take drugs and go full bawtawd like last year. Im thinking not seeing them. Basically the dissociation of the immediate family is the root of all my problems, I cant even talk to my own brothers without being on drugs. Tried everything to break it, but its too deeply ingrained into my brain, maybe only time will help. Empathy and understanding is the best present you can give to your kids year round. Merry fuckin chrimbus.