I have come to the conclusion that I don't make situations better, I make them worse.
Things were going great so far, and of course I had to ruin them. Long rundown for you guys, since the last post things have been getting better. The holidays were busy and stressful as all hell, but surprisingly not too bad this year. New year was starting off pretty strong, but I went and ruined it 9 days in. School for the GF started again which means that shit is going to get stressful and alot of the school stuff is going to get pushed on to me. She has a pretty bad and stressful situation going especially with family right now, so school starting up is making shit worse. Normally, every quarter I "help out" by doing some of the shit for her, but I'm not happy about it. There are times where it feels like I'm the one who's in school, and if that's the case then I would've chosen to go to school instead of down the working path.
So this time we get into a pretty big argument when she asks me to do an assignment for her. I call her out on constantly pushing her school responsibilities onto me, and that leads us into this situation.
I know that this definitely protrays her as the bad one, but I'm also just as bad guys. Because of my constant takeing care of her, I have a bad tendency of when someone or something requires my attention that I deem more important, I'll priotize that over her. Sometimes something on her end will come out of left field and I get upset at her for adding another thing to list of shit I do to take care. I feel like shit when I do and I apologise, but it still doesn't make it ok that I get upset when her actions interfere with the things I want to do. To my credi, as I said in an earlier post I do alot to take care of her, but sometimes she even feels that not enough.
I know her situation, I know what she going through, and yet I still act the way I did knowning that it'll only make it worse.
I don't know guys sorry for the long wall. I just feel like shit for making her situation worse, just so I don't have to deal with fucking school bullshit.
On a brighter note I'm still alive and while still depressed, the thoughts haven't come back.