BACK STORYIn my early 20s, my roommate had a fight with his gf. I was at work at the time, so didn't witness it, and the details aren't crystal clear, but basically, he threw the bitch off our 2nd story balcony and landed himself in county.
Me being his roomy and only "friend", I was his phone call.
Pho', I need you to bail me out, I have 10g stashed in the cupboard.
Wait, WTF happened? My girl said you threw Breanna off the fucking balcony?
"Thats not how it happened, you need to check your bitch".
Should I throw her off the balcony?
"Funny, dick! Will you stop fucking around and find the money, please?
I'm looking where you told me bud, but theres no money here. It's fucking GONE bro.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
? NO FUCKING WAY??? WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK?
Calm down cock breath, I'm fucking with you, it's right here.
OH MY FUCKING GOD, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???
Yes, I was kidding. Try to relax man, I'll be on my way , just give me a few, I'm gonna grab a cat nap, shit, shower, shave, clean out the refrigerator and re-wire the home theater system real quick, I should be there in about 20 minutes.
Dude, come on man. Please stop fucking around.
Okay buddy, sit tight, I'll be down in a Jiffy. Oh, and John?
Yeah?
Don't drop the soap! (Click).
SUCH a world class prick I was, considering his situation, but to me, it was just the everyday, relentless ball breaking that characterized our friendship. What difference did it make to me that little bitch was hard-timing it after a measly 4 hours in the tank. After he got out I was right back on him too. So buddy, tell me, you still playing tight end? Or did Bubba move you to wide receiver?
CONFESSIONI didn't go straight to the Jail. I took his 10k down to the casino and played Pai Gow at 1k a hand x 3 hands. At one point I was down 9k. With my balls shriveled to tic-tacs and my asshole puckered to a decimal point, I limped over to BJ with the last 1k and went on a fucking miracle rush. Over the course of about 90 minutes, I had lost and then gained back precisely 9k. Cashed out even, drove to the jail, sprung the homie, and never said a fucking word. Until now.