I haven't been feeling myself recently and have been itching to get out of the house and hang out with someone that isn't family or at least close to my age. But, haven't had a real opportunity to and on a drive I got hit with a wave of sadness and anxiety. Instead of pulling over and crying I drive through it and realized it all kinda stems from self-hatred with myself for not being where I wanted to be or should be in life. I got home and ate and typing it out has calmed me down, and reminded me that you have to go with the flow of life. Things work at their own pace and you have to take it and be prepared or on the look for opportunities.
I know that feel man. My best friend from high school is killing it at his corporate job having made smart career moves when he graduated - intern at IT MNC, worked his way up through another MNC and he's sitting pretty high up the food chain in the company, slated to become a regional director. I on the hand studied something that wasn't very marketable (psychology), graduated during the 2009 recession and only found my first job in 2011 in a much more niche part of IT which is rapidly shrinking.
It didn't help that I took 2 years to try and run a business with a friend and ex-colleague before that went to shit after we couldn't see eye to eye on a bunch of things. Since then I've been trying to recover my career, gradually moving up the corporate ladder to where I am right now. I'm not sure about the prospects in the future, but at the moment it's given me pretty good work-life balance which has allowed me to come back to skateboarding.
Still, I can't help but feel my best friend has lapped me. Not that I'm jealous of his success at all, he's a salt of the earth kind of guy and would take a bullet for me if we were at gun point. We were each others best man at our respective weddings. I feel like I let him, and myself down with where I am in my life, in terms of where I could be financially and in career.
We met up a few weeks ago for Xmas lunch with a couple of friends and when it came time to split the bill dude pulled out an Amex Black Card, while I pulled out the equivalent of a Chase card. When I was having tough times with my business he handed me a cheque for 10k, telling me not to worry about returning it. I love him a friend, but also disappointed him because I didn't have it all together like he did.
Regarding letting things go at their own pace, I'll agree on that fully. I had a shit skate session this morning and I felt like focusing my board numerous times throughout the 2 hours. I had to remind myself that any time on the board is a blessing and to enjoy it while I still had my health.
Just spent 4 hours cleaning up my home, shalom and have a good ones pals.