tinder

[Paul Cicero]

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Can I borrow that baby?

[close]

Im next in line for it if my stupid sister or her dumb husband ever die

LOL 

[Matze]

I'll try that later!

[Hercules Rockefeller]

oh come on matze, you have been scoring really "big" recently anyway! hahahahaa....

[Matze]

she was big enough to fit the whole forum.

[JB]

this isnt the place for inside jokes. we want the deatz, matz.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

she was big enough to fit the whole forum.

hahahaha <3

[mynameisnotjeff]

My ex was bigger, not like the girls you guys are describing but more on the chubby side. It might be why now I'm into chicks like Kylie Page, Keisha Grey or anything with more cushion.

As for Tinder. I was shit faced and matched with a 5' tall ballerina but was too shit faced to make reasonable messages and she ended up umatching with me. Also, matched with a friend, might ask her to cover a radio show with me. Just to hang out. So far I've had like 7 matches out of those only 3 have really replied.

[tobey]

My ex was bigger, not like the girls you guys are describing but more on the chubby side. It might be why now I'm into chicks like Kylie Page, Keisha Grey or anything with more cushion.

As for Tinder. I was shit faced and matched with a 5' tall ballerina but was too shit faced to make reasonable messages and she ended up umatching with me. Also, matched with a friend, might ask her to cover a radio show with me. Just to hang out. So far I've had like 7 matches out of those only 3 have really replied.

You better not be sending these girs messages just saying "hey". They will ignore that shit real quick. I used to use the same pickup line for every girl i got matched up and majority of them would respond. I don't suggest that because you look like a total douche doing it. Now i just see whats in their bios and make a stupid joke about it or try to relate to it. I have faith in you not jeff, go get it 

[mynameisnotjeff]

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As for Tinder. I was shit faced and matched with a 5' tall ballerina but was too shit faced to make reasonable messages and she ended up umatching with me. Also, matched with a friend, might ask her to cover a radio show with me. Just to hang out. So far I've had like 7 matches out of those only 3 have really replied.

[close]

You better not be sending these girls messages just saying "hey". They will ignore that shit real quick. I used to use the same pickup line for every girl i got matched up and majority of them would respond. I don't suggest that because you look like a total douche doing it. Now i just see whats in their bios and make a stupid joke about it or try to relate to it. I have faith in you not jeff, go get it 

I haven't,  I've been referencing a pic or their bios

[20matar]

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As for Tinder. I was shit faced and matched with a 5' tall ballerina but was too shit faced to make reasonable messages and she ended up umatching with me. Also, matched with a friend, might ask her to cover a radio show with me. Just to hang out. So far I've had like 7 matches out of those only 3 have really replied.

[close]

You better not be sending these girls messages just saying "hey". They will ignore that shit real quick. I used to use the same pickup line for every girl i got matched up and majority of them would respond. I don't suggest that because you look like a total douche doing it. Now i just see whats in their bios and make a stupid joke about it or try to relate to it. I have faith in you not jeff, go get it 

[close]

I haven't,  I've been referencing a pic or their bios

Know what kills me? Existential dread Girls with all but selfies and no bios. I don't think I ever had any success with a match like that. The conversation never develops.

[tobey]

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As for Tinder. I was shit faced and matched with a 5' tall ballerina but was too shit faced to make reasonable messages and she ended up umatching with me. Also, matched with a friend, might ask her to cover a radio show with me. Just to hang out. So far I've had like 7 matches out of those only 3 have really replied.

[close]

You better not be sending these girls messages just saying "hey". They will ignore that shit real quick. I used to use the same pickup line for every girl i got matched up and majority of them would respond. I don't suggest that because you look like a total douche doing it. Now i just see whats in their bios and make a stupid joke about it or try to relate to it. I have faith in you not jeff, go get it 

[close]

I haven't,  I've been referencing a pic or their bios

[close]

Know what kills me? Existential dread Girls with all but selfies and no bios. I don't think I ever had any success with a match like that. The conversation never develops.

Yeah and they get offended when i ask questions trying to get to know them and unmatch me. Like this example:

[childhood]

Alright, I've been lonely long enough. I  need to get on tinder.

Since I got dumped by my last girl, like 1.5 yrs old, I've had no standard penetrative sex. Just mutual oral stuff, twice with the same girl.
I still feel pretty depressed about the last relationship, and even though I get lonely, I'd still just rather masturbate, rather than deal with a new girl in that way.

Tobey, would you be the Don Draper (in the Black Mirror Xmas ep), to my nerdy con-man character who gets poisoned in the end.
Just give me the tips and teach me how to manipulate and influence tinder.

Also, do you need a facebook to make a tinder? Cause then it's an automatic no go if I have to.
I've heard conflicting information from friends though, so I dunno what the truth is

[childhood]

Forgot to post the relevant Black Mirror clip

[mynameisnotjeff]

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As for Tinder. I was shit faced and matched with a 5' tall ballerina but was too shit faced to make reasonable messages and she ended up umatching with me. Also, matched with a friend, might ask her to cover a radio show with me. Just to hang out. So far I've had like 7 matches out of those only 3 have really replied.

[close]

You better not be sending these girls messages just saying "hey". They will ignore that shit real quick. I used to use the same pickup line for every girl i got matched up and majority of them would respond. I don't suggest that because you look like a total douche doing it. Now i just see whats in their bios and make a stupid joke about it or try to relate to it. I have faith in you not jeff, go get it 

[close]

I haven't,  I've been referencing a pic or their bios

[close]

Know what kills me? Existential dread Girls with all but selfies and no bios. I don't think I ever had any success with a match like that. The conversation never develops.

[close]

Yeah and they get offended when i ask questions trying to get to know them and unmatch me. Like this example:

I think getting matched with bots is worse, I get hyped there's a match just to get asked to verify if they're real through a fake link or some bs

[tobey]

You need facebook for bumble and tinder, don't need it for okcupid and POF. I mean the only reason i get messages and numbers now is because i really don't give a shit if i hang out with these girls. I'm about to be a year sober next month so i mainly just mess around with these girls, apparently im funny. I wasn't always like that though. I started out super shy, taking every message so seriously from these girls and would get super bummed if they don't message back. When that happens 90% of the time they just don't see the message, girls get hundreds of messages on these apps so just try again another day. Just relax and have fun on these apps. Chances are you won't find your soulmate on these apps so take that pressure off you 

[childhood]

okc and pof worth getting into even?

This thread actually inspired me to text this girl I haven't seen in person in like six months, and now we have tentative plans to kick it soon

I'm excited, cause I was thinking this was gonna be my next girl awhile back, but then I wound up in rehab, and haven't seen her in person since I got home. I was embarrassed to see/contact her really, cause I wasn't sure if she just thought I was a loser now.

I was actually partying at her bday party, the night before my intervention.
I showed up about an hour and a half late to my intervention the next morning, cause I was exhausted and fucked up, and then once it got going, I started yelling shit like "I made my friend a fucking CHEESECAKE for her birthday last night! How am I a fucking drug addict?!" Flawless logic

[Lasernaut]

Kind of felt weird about what I had written and put online, so I decided to delete it.

[GOKU]

Matched with a nice 45 year old woman last night. She was 18 years old when I was born! Pretty crazy. I can ask her what it was like watching Twin Peaks when it was brand spankin' new!

We went out for a bit the other night. She paid for my drinks, smoked cigs with me, and let me kiss her at the end of the night! She also texted me not long after she drove me home, saying she wants to hang out again. I'm totally down.

We've been talking a decent amount since then, and are probably hanging out tmrw after I get out of stupid jury duty. Stoked! Reminiscent of when Spanky was dating Cat Power, lolz

[ill_Murray]

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Since I got dumped by my last girl, like 1.5 yrs old, I've had no standard penetrative sex.

[close]

I told the other matches that I found someone that might be a real interest of mine, and they said it was cool and wished me luck.

Could not stop cracking up at this

[Coastal Fever]

Yeah, that's a very noble gesture.. But you're essentially telling them you found someone better and I doubt they need or want to hear that.  I've only gotten it once but I thought "we haven't even met, you don't owe me a backhanded explanation".  If you blow it with the "better" girl you've basically got no chance with the ones you just shot down.

Anyone ever get a match that seems too good to be true?  And I don't mean bots or fake profiles.. I had a smoking hot architect message me, and after barely any conversation, she suggested we meet at a fancy restaurant.  Her profile also said "buy me pizza so I know it's real".  As tempting as it is, I'm pretty broke and not risking getting played.  Gotta trust your gut sometimes.

[mynameisnotjeff]

Just claim that you just payed bills?

Also, being so close to Halloween has put into question my anti-bot measures. But, on the bright side there's all these out of town girls. Too bad the app has been acting up on my phone. 

[the snake]

[mynameisnotjeff]

Decided to go all out

[20matar]

Decided to go all out

Which means...?

[mynameisnotjeff]

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Decided to go all out

[close]

Which means...?

It's a joke. My roommates convinced to add the citizenship thing to my bio. Seeing as how I'm an immigrant and the whole America shitting the bed thing

[tobey]

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Decided to go all out

[close]

Which means...?

[close]

It's a joke. My roommates convinced to add the citizenship thing to my bio. Seeing as how I'm an immigrant and the whole America shitting the bed thing

I think he meant we cant see the pic you posted, or at least i cant. I'm working with this Trump angle too

[mynameisnotjeff]

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Decided to go all out

[close]

Which means...?

[close]

It's a joke. My roommates convinced to add the citizenship thing to my bio. Seeing as how I'm an immigrant and the whole America shitting the bed thing

[close]

I think he meant we cant see the pic you posted, or at least i cant. I'm working with this Trump angle too

Gotta hustle haha

Also, can you see the picture now?

[20matar]

Now I can! Here's hoping the girls will peel you.

[ungzilla]

Ok I got on board with this bullshit...

Got a few matches, first one sent a couple texts back and forth with then radio silence for past 24 hours, whatever, maybe one of my lame jokes didn't land or a bit of sarcasm didn't translate.

One seems like a fake profile based on hotness and the fact they messaged me first, pretty much immediately. I'm basically ignoring them. also they're like 50 miles away, so fuck that. I'd probably show up and get my ass beat and robbed by some military dude and his bored girlfriend. Hypothesizing, anyways.

Most recent one is definitely real given we have a mutual acquaintance, and is definitely somewhat of a babe, but the profile and pics don't give me much good to go on for an intro. HMMM. I'm bad at this generally, so if I make any progress I'll keep the slap homies posted.

[h00man]

That fake looking babe was def a bot, saying something like "hey my phones about to die come reach me at my website _________".

Trust me on this, it works: Have dogs with you in all your photos.