real confessions

[ROCKxADIO420]

lol.

[JB]

started writing this in another thread and realized its probably better fitting in here.

My last year of high school. I still skated often but it was not as big a priority as just spending time with all my friends (some still skated and some didn't at that point). Strangely, those were some of the best times in my life. Has anyone else had times where they enjoyed life more without skating?

between 18 and 19 when i partied a lot. during the summer if i wasnt at work, id be out with my friends getting fucked up. i had a lot of friends back then so on any given day there was always something fun going on. pretty much every summer id slow down my skating to go party with my friends and would only skate if nothing else was going on. if i had a choice to go hang out on the lake and drink beer or go to the skatepark, i wouldve choosen the lake every time. thinking about it now, if my parents didnt put me through college and not really cared what i did after high school, i wouldve totally piled out with partying. i was pretty bad a few years ago, id black out constantly and they stopped being fun black outs. id get angry and self destructive. my friends would get pissed at me and i couldnt understand why because when your fucked up you dont think your doing anything wrong. as far as i was concerned, i was just having fun, and it was everyone elses loss if they werent drinking at my pace. after a while, your friends get sick of having to watch out for you and take care of you ever time they see you. i used to have a really fun social life. id see my friends a lot and we always had a lot of fun, but i feel like i kinda made a name for myself as being the most fucked up guy in the group. id be sober and see people i hadnt seen in a while and they would say shit like "wow, your not black out drunk? this is crazy!" thats what people knew me as and i just didnt want to be that guy anymore. then i went though the whole girlfriend break up depressed thing and that made it worse. drinking was the only thing that really made me feel good, and once i got started i wasnt stopping until i passed out. id be sad all day every day then id get drunk and it was like "oh my god! im happy! DRINK DRINK DRINK DRINK" then id wake up feeling worse than before. i just made a fool of myself too many times and it wasnt laughable anymore. i honestly felt super embarrassed to be around my friends and pretty much distanced myself from all of them. i quit all social media (which im proud of and i have no intentions on ever starting again). i dont keep in touch with anyone besides my girlfriend and my parents. i feel like ive gotten over the binge drinking. ive grown up a lot, im proud to be where im at. except now i feel bad that i basically hid from all the people i know and care about for like the past year. some of my friends i see every now and then, others who i used to see almost daily i havent seen or talked to in close to a year and now i feel super anxious when i think about hanging out with them like theyll be pissed because ive been a shitty friend. im supposed to see a bunch of people tonight for one of my friends birthdays and i know im going to be anxious all day, probably for no reason, but it still sucks. i feel like a shitty friend and i think about this constantly, and its probably my biggest "problem" right now. usually when i see someone i havent seen in a while its a lot of fun catching up and everything. but for some fucked up reason i feel like if i were to be called out on why ive distanced myself i need to at least have a life thats respectible, or at least as good or better than my friends. carreer, car, girlfriend, not living with my parents, paying my bills. all stupid shit that never mattered before, but i look at it now as a crutch to feel good about myself. like having a semi successful life makes up for being a shitty friend, which is a totally fucked way of thinking.

[Iceman]

started writing this in another thread and realized its probably better fitting in here.

Expand Quote

My last year of high school. I still skated often but it was not as big a priority as just spending time with all my friends (some still skated and some didn't at that point). Strangely, those were some of the best times in my life. Has anyone else had times where they enjoyed life more without skating?

[close]

between 18 and 19 when i partied a lot. during the summer if i wasnt at work, id be out with my friends getting fucked up. i had a lot of friends back then so on any given day there was always something fun going on. pretty much every summer id slow down my skating to go party with my friends and would only skate if nothing else was going on. if i had a choice to go hang out on the lake and drink beer or go to the skatepark, i wouldve choosen the lake every time. thinking about it now, if my parents didnt put me through college and not really cared what i did after high school, i wouldve totally piled out with partying. i was pretty bad a few years ago, id black out constantly and they stopped being fun black outs. id get angry and self destructive. my friends would get pissed at me and i couldnt understand why because when your fucked up you dont think your doing anything wrong. as far as i was concerned, i was just having fun, and it was everyone elses loss if they werent drinking at my pace. after a while, your friends get sick of having to watch out for you and take care of you ever time they see you. i used to have a really fun social life. id see my friends a lot and we always had a lot of fun, but i feel like i kinda made a name for myself as being the most fucked up guy in the group. id be sober and see people i hadnt seen in a while and they would say shit like "wow, your not black out drunk? this is crazy!" thats what people knew me as and i just didnt want to be that guy anymore. then i went though the whole girlfriend break up depressed thing and that made it worse. drinking was the only thing that really made me feel good, and once i got started i wasnt stopping until i passed out. id be sad all day every day then id get drunk and it was like "oh my god! im happy! DRINK DRINK DRINK DRINK" then id wake up feeling worse than before. i just made a fool of myself too many times and it wasnt laughable anymore. i honestly felt super embarrassed to be around my friends and pretty much distanced myself from all of them. i quit all social media (which im proud of and i have no intentions on ever starting again). i dont keep in touch with anyone besides my girlfriend and my parents. i feel like ive gotten over the binge drinking. ive grown up a lot, im proud to be where im at. except now i feel bad that i basically hid from all the people i know and care about for like the past year. some of my friends i see every now and then, others who i used to see almost daily i havent seen or talked to in close to a year and now i feel super anxious when i think about hanging out with them like theyll be pissed because ive been a shitty friend. im supposed to see a bunch of people tonight for one of my friends birthdays and i know im going to be anxious all day, probably for no reason, but it still sucks. i feel like a shitty friend and i think about this constantly, and its probably my biggest "problem" right now. usually when i see someone i havent seen in a while its a lot of fun catching up and everything. but for some fucked up reason i feel like if i were to be called out on why ive distanced myself i need to at least have a life thats respectible, or at least as good or better than my friends. carreer, car, girlfriend, not living with my parents, paying my bills. all stupid shit that never mattered before, but i look at it now as a crutch to feel good about myself. like having a semi successful life makes up for being a shitty friend, which is a totally fucked way of thinking.

Maybe you had to remove yourself from your social circle in order to straighten out your life? Nothing to be ashamed of there. You had to do what you had to do. When you feel like you have enough self restraint, maybe you can start hanging with your old friends again. They should understand.

[ThugWaffle]

My friends have killed skating for me. It's always the same shit. I hate weed and my skatepark too.

[steam vent]

started writing this in another thread and realized its probably better fitting in here.

Expand Quote

My last year of high school. I still skated often but it was not as big a priority as just spending time with all my friends (some still skated and some didn't at that point). Strangely, those were some of the best times in my life. Has anyone else had times where they enjoyed life more without skating?

[close]

between 18 and 19 when i partied a lot. during the summer if i wasnt at work, id be out with my friends getting fucked up. i had a lot of friends back then so on any given day there was always something fun going on. pretty much every summer id slow down my skating to go party with my friends and would only skate if nothing else was going on. if i had a choice to go hang out on the lake and drink beer or go to the skatepark, i wouldve choosen the lake every time. thinking about it now, if my parents didnt put me through college and not really cared what i did after high school, i wouldve totally piled out with partying. i was pretty bad a few years ago, id black out constantly and they stopped being fun black outs. id get angry and self destructive. my friends would get pissed at me and i couldnt understand why because when your fucked up you dont think your doing anything wrong. as far as i was concerned, i was just having fun, and it was everyone elses loss if they werent drinking at my pace. after a while, your friends get sick of having to watch out for you and take care of you ever time they see you. i used to have a really fun social life. id see my friends a lot and we always had a lot of fun, but i feel like i kinda made a name for myself as being the most fucked up guy in the group. id be sober and see people i hadnt seen in a while and they would say shit like "wow, your not black out drunk? this is crazy!" thats what people knew me as and i just didnt want to be that guy anymore. then i went though the whole girlfriend break up depressed thing and that made it worse. drinking was the only thing that really made me feel good, and once i got started i wasnt stopping until i passed out. id be sad all day every day then id get drunk and it was like "oh my god! im happy! DRINK DRINK DRINK DRINK" then id wake up feeling worse than before. i just made a fool of myself too many times and it wasnt laughable anymore. i honestly felt super embarrassed to be around my friends and pretty much distanced myself from all of them. i quit all social media (which im proud of and i have no intentions on ever starting again). i dont keep in touch with anyone besides my girlfriend and my parents. i feel like ive gotten over the binge drinking. ive grown up a lot, im proud to be where im at. except now i feel bad that i basically hid from all the people i know and care about for like the past year. some of my friends i see every now and then, others who i used to see almost daily i havent seen or talked to in close to a year and now i feel super anxious when i think about hanging out with them like theyll be pissed because ive been a shitty friend. im supposed to see a bunch of people tonight for one of my friends birthdays and i know im going to be anxious all day, probably for no reason, but it still sucks. i feel like a shitty friend and i think about this constantly, and its probably my biggest "problem" right now. usually when i see someone i havent seen in a while its a lot of fun catching up and everything. but for some fucked up reason i feel like if i were to be called out on why ive distanced myself i need to at least have a life thats respectible, or at least as good or better than my friends. carreer, car, girlfriend, not living with my parents, paying my bills. all stupid shit that never mattered before, but i look at it now as a crutch to feel good about myself. like having a semi successful life makes up for being a shitty friend, which is a totally fucked way of thinking.

Pretty much have been through the exact same situation, now pretty much have 1 friend who is solid as fuck, but the rest who i guess are not really friends anymore still have the same view of me even though i've gone to uni and mellowed wayyyyyy( couple j's 6-7 beers no drugs and I call it a night) the fuck out, but my reputation precedes to the point where people just straight up avoid me, but what ev's.

[escapistfool]

My girlfriend of four years and 7 months cheated on me. She goes to UCSB (fuck that dumb ass party school) and she was at a party and a guy kissed her and she let it happen. She went to another party the next day, same guy was there, he did the same thing, kissed her and let it happen. She then told him she had a boyfriend. It doesn't matter now, she broke up with me 2 days ago because of what happened. It devastated me, I never thought she would be the kind of person to do that. Her reasoning is that she doesnt see me as a boyfriend anymore, but more of a best friend. So pretty much, I got friendzoned in a relationship. This is some bullshit, we've invested and spent so much time together and got through a lot of things together for it to end over some lousy kiss. I keep thinking in my head this happened because I am her first boyfriend and she wants to experience other things. I'm being selfish and thinking to myself that I dont want any other fucking guy to be with her or even have some kind of relation to her.This is really the first time it's ever happened to me and it's a terrible feeling. For the first time in my life I feel so down. I know most of you will laugh at my misfortune and crack jokes about it, it's alright, its the internet. But if anybody wants to give me some words to get by, that would be cool.

I know its not the end of the world for me, but my thoughts and emotions are clouding my judgment and I can't think straight.
Fuck UC Santa Barbara.

[L33Tg33k]

"He kissed her". Sure, that's what happened. You've had a girl before, you can get a girl again.

[pencil]

My girlfriend of four years and 7 months cheated on me. She goes to UCSB (fuck that dumb ass party school) and she was at a party and a guy kissed her and she let it happen. She went to another party the next day, same guy was there, he did the same thing, kissed her and let it happen. She then told him she had a boyfriend. It doesn't matter now, she broke up with me 2 days ago because of what happened. It devastated me, I never thought she would be the kind of person to do that. Her reasoning is that she doesnt see me as a boyfriend anymore, but more of a best friend. So pretty much, I got friendzoned in a relationship. This is some bullshit, we've invested and spent so much time together and got through a lot of things together for it to end over some lousy kiss. I keep thinking in my head this happened because I am her first boyfriend and she wants to experience other things. I'm being selfish and thinking to myself that I dont want any other fucking guy to be with her or even have some kind of relation to her.This is really the first time it's ever happened to me and it's a terrible feeling. For the first time in my life I feel so down. I know most of you will laugh at my misfortune and crack jokes about it, it's alright, its the internet. But if anybody wants to give me some words to get by, that would be cool.

I know its not the end of the world for me, but my thoughts and emotions are clouding my judgment and I can't think straight.
Fuck UC Santa Barbara.

this scares the shit out of me so i just make sure to fuck her good, but damn if my girl actually went through and cheated on me i would be just as devastated

[escapistfool]

"He kissed her". Sure, that's what happened. You've had a girl before, you can get a girl again.

Im just over it right now at this point. All these years Ive been nothing but a good boyfriend. Heck, I even bought her a watch, an iPhone 5s, and Disneyland tickets for Christmas. Looks like Im keeping the iPhone and returning the watch. Might even think about being an asshole and taking a random girl thats been trying to get at me to Disneyland.

At this point, fuck that bitch.
But I cant help to say that I still love her more than anyone I've ever met.
It's ridiculous I know, there are other things that I should worry about that are worse but it's hard to get that thought out of my head.

[escapistfool]

Expand Quote

My girlfriend of four years and 7 months cheated on me. She goes to UCSB (fuck that dumb ass party school) and she was at a party and a guy kissed her and she let it happen. She went to another party the next day, same guy was there, he did the same thing, kissed her and let it happen. She then told him she had a boyfriend. It doesn't matter now, she broke up with me 2 days ago because of what happened. It devastated me, I never thought she would be the kind of person to do that. Her reasoning is that she doesnt see me as a boyfriend anymore, but more of a best friend. So pretty much, I got friendzoned in a relationship. This is some bullshit, we've invested and spent so much time together and got through a lot of things together for it to end over some lousy kiss. I keep thinking in my head this happened because I am her first boyfriend and she wants to experience other things. I'm being selfish and thinking to myself that I dont want any other fucking guy to be with her or even have some kind of relation to her.This is really the first time it's ever happened to me and it's a terrible feeling. For the first time in my life I feel so down. I know most of you will laugh at my misfortune and crack jokes about it, it's alright, its the internet. But if anybody wants to give me some words to get by, that would be cool.

I know its not the end of the world for me, but my thoughts and emotions are clouding my judgment and I can't think straight.
Fuck UC Santa Barbara.

[close]

this scares the shit out of me so i just make sure to fuck her good, but damn if my girl actually went through and cheated on me i would be just as devastated

If anything happens, just have it in the back of your head to expect the worst. People do need change.
If not, then I salute you man.

[steam vent]

My girlfriend of four years and 7 months cheated on me. She goes to UCSB (fuck that dumb ass party school) and she was at a party and a guy kissed her and she let it happen. She went to another party the next day, same guy was there, he did the same thing, kissed her and let it happen. She then told him she had a boyfriend. It doesn't matter now, she broke up with me 2 days ago because of what happened. It devastated me, I never thought she would be the kind of person to do that. Her reasoning is that she doesnt see me as a boyfriend anymore, but more of a best friend. So pretty much, I got friendzoned in a relationship. This is some bullshit, we've invested and spent so much time together and got through a lot of things together for it to end over some lousy kiss. I keep thinking in my head this happened because I am her first boyfriend and she wants to experience other things. I'm being selfish and thinking to myself that I dont want any other fucking guy to be with her or even have some kind of relation to her.This is really the first time it's ever happened to me and it's a terrible feeling. For the first time in my life I feel so down. I know most of you will laugh at my misfortune and crack jokes about it, it's alright, its the internet. But if anybody wants to give me some words to get by, that would be cool.

I know its not the end of the world for me, but my thoughts and emotions are clouding my judgment and I can't think straight.
Fuck UC Santa Barbara.

Holy fuck that sucks dude. Honestly don't even trip out too hard over what may or may not have happened if you can, you don't wanna get into a space where every time you try to watch porn or see a sex scene in movie you just see her getting fucked, try not think about that aspect if you can. As much as it sucks it sounds like she wants to be with other people, and is more than likely being spurred on by a new group of slutty drunken friends, and the best friend shit is just a lie and a cowardly way out imo. �Cut and run for a while anyway, she sounds like she's more into her "new life" thing than being with you for the time being and if your not cool with that, which I'm sure you're not, there is really no point in trying to be friends imo. All that being said Im not sure how valid it is for me to be giving advice, since all my experience has only shown what not to do lol. If you have creative outlets pursue them to the the fullest or do something you've wanted to do but have been putting off. Good luck with it though man, just remember on the shittiest days the next one will probably be better!

[escapistfool]

Expand Quote

My girlfriend of four years and 7 months cheated on me. She goes to UCSB (fuck that dumb ass party school) and she was at a party and a guy kissed her and she let it happen. She went to another party the next day, same guy was there, he did the same thing, kissed her and let it happen. She then told him she had a boyfriend. It doesn't matter now, she broke up with me 2 days ago because of what happened. It devastated me, I never thought she would be the kind of person to do that. Her reasoning is that she doesnt see me as a boyfriend anymore, but more of a best friend. So pretty much, I got friendzoned in a relationship. This is some bullshit, we've invested and spent so much time together and got through a lot of things together for it to end over some lousy kiss. I keep thinking in my head this happened because I am her first boyfriend and she wants to experience other things. I'm being selfish and thinking to myself that I dont want any other fucking guy to be with her or even have some kind of relation to her.This is really the first time it's ever happened to me and it's a terrible feeling. For the first time in my life I feel so down. I know most of you will laugh at my misfortune and crack jokes about it, it's alright, its the internet. But if anybody wants to give me some words to get by, that would be cool.

I know its not the end of the world for me, but my thoughts and emotions are clouding my judgment and I can't think straight.
Fuck UC Santa Barbara.

[close]

Holy fuck that sucks dude. Honestly don't even trip out too hard over what may or may not have happened if you can, you don't wanna get into a space where every time you try to watch porn or see a sex scene in movie you just see her getting fucked, try not think about that aspect if you can. As much as it sucks it sounds like she wants to be with other people, and is more than likely being spurred on by a new group of slutty drunken friends, and the best friend shit is just a lie and a cowardly way out imo. �Cut and run for a while anyway, she sounds like she's more into her "new life" thing than being with you for the time being and if your not cool with that, which I'm sure you're not, there is really no point in trying to be friends imo. All that being said Im not sure how valid it is for me to be giving advice, since all my experience has only shown what not to do lol. If you have creative outlets pursue them to the the fullest or do something you've wanted to do but have been putting off. Good luck with it though man, just remember on the shittiest days the next one will probably be better!

I sincerely do appreciate your words man. I'm sure it will take a lot of time. But if we're really supposed to be together, maybe time will work its way back to us and rekindle things. Or maybe Im just too stupid enough to believe in fairy tales. It's ridiculous, I've had 3 girlfriends before her and had sexual relations with 2 other girls before her but this is the only time that I've ever felt like she was the only girl in the world for me.
Thank you man, I really do appreciate it.

[poorlatino]

I started taking opiates like any other kid would, surgeries, broken bones, the typical way. That was about 6 or or 7 years ago. Today December 20th, 2013. I can't go a day without taking Methadone or Heroin. I can't watch a movie, go on a walk, shower, brush my teeth, fill out an application unless I'm high. This opiate devil has ruined many good relationships I've had with beautiful girlfriends who really cared about me and stuck around even though I would steal their money or blow them off because I'm waiting for my dealer or laying in my bed sick and sneezing and shitting every 5 minutes. I used to skate everyday it was my life and in many ways it still is. I daydream about me being clean and ripping like I used to. Having a normal day without a sore body hanging out with friends and sharing 2 liters of coke. I miss those days. I miss the people I had in my life, I miss the potential I showed and the the smart witty kid I once was. I was voted class clown over 3 times in different school, won spelling bees and was popular. Now days I'm known as the kid who will rip you off or the one who "used" to be a really cool kid. I don't have days anymore I have sickness and when i'm not sick I'm clouded by opiate abuse, blankly sitting on a couch in my moms basement watching movies and reading books. I don't talk as much as I used to, I don't do anything like I was able to. I miss the person I was and the person I was certain I would become. I've hurt my family  in many ways, and take advantage of anyone I can. Deep down i know it's wrong but these drugs that have tied me down won't let me leave. I'm scared to get clean because I still love getting high. It's scary and I wonder if I will ever be able to see myself in the mirror again, that bright young beautiful kid I was with a huge smile ready to take on the world. I'm only 22 so in the distance I can see the light of hope, I just hope I make it in time before I'm dead or in jail. I'm sorry friends for taking your parents medicine out of their cabinet I'm sorry Hayden (my first awesome girlfriend) for stealing your moms pills (I never got caught but I know drugs are the reason were not together anymore) I'm sorry to all my family for taking money from you and feeding you lies. I'm Sorry Danny (me) for doing this to you, you hd a rough childhood I didn't mean to make life worse as you got older. I'll see you soon buddy. Stay Golden

[escapistfool]

I started taking opiates like any other kid would, surgeries, broken bones, the typical way. That was about 6 or or 7 years ago. Today December 20th, 2013. I can't go a day without taking Methadone or Heroin. I can't watch a movie, go on a walk, shower, brush my teeth, fill out an application unless I'm high. This opiate devil has ruined many good relationships I've had with beautiful girlfriends who really cared about me and stuck around even though I would steal their money or blow them off because I'm waiting for my dealer or laying in my bed sick and sneezing and shitting every 5 minutes. I used to skate everyday it was my life and in many ways it still is. I daydream about me being clean and ripping like I used to. Having a normal day without a sore body hanging out with friends and sharing 2 liters of coke. I miss those days. I miss the people I had in my life, I miss the potential I showed and the the smart witty kid I once was. I was voted class clown over 3 times in different school, won spelling bees and was popular. Now days I'm known as the kid who will rip you off or the one who "used" to be a really cool kid. I don't have days anymore I have sickness and when i'm not sick I'm clouded by opiate abuse, blankly sitting on a couch in my moms basement watching movies and reading books. I don't talk as much as I used to, I don't do anything like I was able to. I miss the person I was and the person I was certain I would become. I've hurt my family  in many ways, and take advantage of anyone I can. Deep down i know it's wrong but these drugs that have tied me down won't let me leave. I'm scared to get clean because I still love getting high. It's scary and I wonder if I will ever be able to see myself in the mirror again, that bright young beautiful kid I was with a huge smile ready to take on the world. I'm only 22 so in the distance I can see the light of hope, I just hope I make it in time before I'm dead or in jail. I'm sorry friends for taking your parents medicine out of their cabinet I'm sorry Hayden (my first awesome girlfriend) for stealing your moms pills (I never got caught but I know drugs are the reason were not together anymore) I'm sorry to all my family for taking money from you and feeding you lies. I'm Sorry Danny (me) for doing this to you, you hd a rough childhood I didn't mean to make life worse as you got older. I'll see you soon buddy. Stay Golden

Keep your head up buddy. It's time to change, you're so young you have so much to look forward to. I know its easier said than done but don't let drugs be the better part of you. Everyone loves you, but its time to love yourself back. Try to get clean. Skate more. Find a new hobby. Anything to distract you from the demons running through your veins.

[poorlatino]

I appreciate your reply man. That was the first time  I've ever wrote something down about my addiction. It's hard to face. I don't even have a skateboard anymore, I knew if I had one it would help me tremendously. I don't even know where to start to find new hobbies because I've been out of the loop for so long and I have no money to my name. I understand what your saying though. I really appreciate you reaching out it means a lot. I don't wanna too sappy on the message boards I just thought it would help me write something down, and even that paragraph I wrote helped. Thanks for the support Escapist. It means a lot. I'm scared to get clean, I know it's not supposed to be easy I just feel weak and useless. It's got to end sometime I know that. I want to skate and be happy again, even get a shitty job. I need to make a change, I know I do, but I always end up going back to drugs. I think I need a rehab like a 90 program at least. It's very expensive tho. Thanks for your words man.

[steam vent]

I appreciate your reply man. That was the first time  I've ever wrote something down about my addiction. It's hard to face. I don't even have a skateboard anymore, I knew if I had one it would help me tremendously. I don't even know where to start to find new hobbies because I've been out of the loop for so long and I have no money to my name. I understand what your saying though. I really appreciate you reaching out it means a lot. I don't wanna too sappy on the message boards I just thought it would help me write something down, and even that paragraph I wrote helped. Thanks for the support Escapist. It means a lot. I'm scared to get clean, I know it's not supposed to be easy I just feel weak and useless. It's got to end sometime I know that. I want to skate and be happy again, even get a shitty job. I need to make a change, I know I do, but I always end up going back to drugs. I think I need a rehab like a 90 program at least. It's very expensive tho. Thanks for your words man.

Maybe just check out whats available in your area man, get in touch if you see somethin that looks promising, it'll probably feel good, to take even a small step in a different direction, and can lead you to where you'd rather be. All the best man!   

[poorlatino]

Expand Quote

I appreciate your reply man. That was the first time  I've ever wrote something down about my addiction. It's hard to face. I don't even have a skateboard anymore, I knew if I had one it would help me tremendously. I don't even know where to start to find new hobbies because I've been out of the loop for so long and I have no money to my name. I understand what your saying though. I really appreciate you reaching out it means a lot. I don't wanna too sappy on the message boards I just thought it would help me write something down, and even that paragraph I wrote helped. Thanks for the support Escapist. It means a lot. I'm scared to get clean, I know it's not supposed to be easy I just feel weak and useless. It's got to end sometime I know that. I want to skate and be happy again, even get a shitty job. I need to make a change, I know I do, but I always end up going back to drugs. I think I need a rehab like a 90 program at least. It's very expensive tho. Thanks for your words man.

[close]

Maybe just check out whats available in your area man, get in touch if you see somethin that looks promising, it'll probably feel good, to take even a small step in a different direction, and can lead you to where you'd rather be. All the best man!   

I know of some of some groups and other places where sober people get together and do healthy things like rock climb and healthy activities.
Like I said in the last post I don't even have  a dollar, I guess I could reach out to family and make amends but I need to show that i'm ready to make a change. I will give it another shot looking into some rehabilitation. Maybe some financial support. I can't get clean on my own I'm not strong enough like Dylan Reider was . Not the  person to compare to compare myself to  AT ALL but I need some serious help. I can barely type now and it's all starting to turn into gibberish..sorry. I appreciate the support from all you tho. It's really helping me

[paraquat]

Sorry to hear that escapistfool. Bitches man... Let her go. Have a beer and push down the street and take some deep breaths and be glad you are capable of feeling things this complex, things that are non existent for many. Life, huh.

[poorlatino]

Sorry to hear that escapistfool. Bitches man... Let her go. Have a beer and push down the street and take some deep breaths and be glad you are capable of feeling things this complex, things that are non existent for many. Life, huh.

[escapistfool]

Sorry to hear that escapistfool. Bitches man... Let her go. Have a beer and push down the street and take some deep breaths and be glad you are capable of feeling things this complex, things that are non existent for many. Life, huh.

Thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate it. I just wish things were different.

[pencil]

Back in my hometown on winterbreak repping 513 hard as fuck.  I love being back here forreal its so nice to see all the old homies and have all my old opportunities to do all the old dumb shit I used to.  Ive been back at the restaurant I used to bus at and Ive been actually looking forward to it.  Basically tonight someone gave me a kpin for being glad to have me back since the people they got to replace me all suck ass, and I did that shit perfect, I still got it #bruh.

After work I went to chill with the other two kids who bussed who I was friends with, and we went to this kids house who ended up having a party.  My phone was all fucked up and I couldnt get ahold of my girl, and since Im trying to be honest with her and set the example of how I want her to be honest with me, I couldnt tell her about me planning on going out to drink and smoke after work. 

Well my phone was fucked up still, so when I got there and saw it was a party with some ratchet hoes who always try to get with me when Im back in town, I figure I should dip since I get pissed when shes in a similar situation with douchebags who try to get with her. 
Basically I got ahold of my brother who picked me up not too long after I got there, but in that time I drank a few beers, smoked, and did that kpin in a line with literally the purest molly I have ever seen.  Shes not cool with pills at all, and Id just rather not tell her about the molly since the ratchets were there.

Basically when I got home, after some fucking around with my phone, I got it to stay on.  My girl had sent me a text that said "well I'll let you go you dont seem interested" in the time my phone wouldnt work.  I proceeded to text her and tell her exactly what happened minus the kpins/molly and said "I just thought the right thing to do would be to tell you, even though it isnt a bad thing you deserve to hear when i try to make the right decisions just as much as you deserve to know if I make mistakes.  I love you and I hope you realize I'm always trying to think about you."

I dont know why Im posting in here, maybe because Im rolling and my brother is too high to give a shit about it, but I still feel like when she wakes up she is going to be pissed at me.  I hate this feeling of trying to do the right thing but still fearing her taking it the wrong way.  We have been together for almost 3 years and have definitely had some struggles, I cheated on her at the very beginning of our relationship, but she found out about it almost a year later.  It sucks feeling like just because I was in the same vicinity of ratchet hos she will automatically assume I couldnt control myself.  I dont know, Im sitting here rolling balls and I just wish it were the morning so she would wake up and either understand that even though I was in a bad situation I put our relationship first, or she will just be full rampage like fuckkkkk

[poorlatino]

Back in my hometown on winterbreak repping 513 hard as fuck.  I love being back here forreal its so nice to see all the old homies and have all my old opportunities to do all the old dumb shit I used to.  Ive been back at the restaurant I used to bus at and Ive been actually looking forward to it.  Basically tonight someone gave me a kpin for being glad to have me back since the people they got to replace me all suck ass, and I did that shit perfect, I still got it #bruh.

After work I went to chill with the other two kids who bussed who I was friends with, and we went to this kids house who ended up having a party.  My phone was all fucked up and I couldnt get ahold of my girl, and since Im trying to be honest with her and set the example of how I want her to be honest with me, I couldnt tell her about me planning on going out to drink and smoke after work. 

Well my phone was fucked up still, so when I got there and saw it was a party with some ratchet hoes who always try to get with me when Im back in town, I figure I should dip since I get pissed when shes in a similar situation with douchebags who try to get with her. 
Basically I got ahold of my brother who picked me up not too long after I got there, but in that time I drank a few beers, smoked, and did that kpin in a line with literally the purest molly I have ever seen.  Shes not cool with pills at all, and Id just rather not tell her about the molly since the ratchets were there.

Basically when I got home, after some fucking around with my phone, I got it to stay on.  My girl had sent me a text that said "well I'll let you go you dont seem interested" in the time my phone wouldnt work.  I proceeded to text her and tell her exactly what happened minus the kpins/molly and said "I just thought the right thing to do would be to tell you, even though it isnt a bad thing you deserve to hear when i try to make the right decisions just as much as you deserve to know if I make mistakes.  I love you and I hope you realize I'm always trying to think about you."

I dont know why Im posting in here, maybe because Im rolling and my brother is too high to give a shit about it, but I still feel like when she wakes up she is going to be pissed at me.  I hate this feeling of trying to do the right thing but still fearing her taking it the wrong way.  We have been together for almost 3 years and have definitely had some struggles, I cheated on her at the very beginning of our relationship, but she found out about it almost a year later.  It sucks feeling like just because I was in the same vicinity of ratchet hos she will automatically assume I couldnt control myself.  I dont know, Im sitting here rolling balls and I just wish it were the morning so she would wake up and either understand that even though I was in a bad situation I put our relationship first, or she will just be full rampage like fuckkkkk

I've had a lot of the same experiences. Don't worry too much man. She might be mad for a little but she won't hold a grudge. She obviously loves you  if you guys have been together for 3 years. Especially if you cheated on her before and she got over that. If anything get her a present like some jewelry or flowers or something cute, whatever you think she would like, don't forget to be sappy and tell her how much you love her over and over, at the same time play your cool and make her think your the one she really wants, just be confident. Not really good advice but I tried to help  haha. Best of luck to you and your girl man. Don't let her go.

[pencil]

Expand Quote

Back in my hometown on winterbreak repping 513 hard as fuck.  I love being back here forreal its so nice to see all the old homies and have all my old opportunities to do all the old dumb shit I used to.  Ive been back at the restaurant I used to bus at and Ive been actually looking forward to it.  Basically tonight someone gave me a kpin for being glad to have me back since the people they got to replace me all suck ass, and I did that shit perfect, I still got it #bruh.

After work I went to chill with the other two kids who bussed who I was friends with, and we went to this kids house who ended up having a party.  My phone was all fucked up and I couldnt get ahold of my girl, and since Im trying to be honest with her and set the example of how I want her to be honest with me, I couldnt tell her about me planning on going out to drink and smoke after work. 

Well my phone was fucked up still, so when I got there and saw it was a party with some ratchet hoes who always try to get with me when Im back in town, I figure I should dip since I get pissed when shes in a similar situation with douchebags who try to get with her. 
Basically I got ahold of my brother who picked me up not too long after I got there, but in that time I drank a few beers, smoked, and did that kpin in a line with literally the purest molly I have ever seen.  Shes not cool with pills at all, and Id just rather not tell her about the molly since the ratchets were there.

Basically when I got home, after some fucking around with my phone, I got it to stay on.  My girl had sent me a text that said "well I'll let you go you dont seem interested" in the time my phone wouldnt work.  I proceeded to text her and tell her exactly what happened minus the kpins/molly and said "I just thought the right thing to do would be to tell you, even though it isnt a bad thing you deserve to hear when i try to make the right decisions just as much as you deserve to know if I make mistakes.  I love you and I hope you realize I'm always trying to think about you."

I dont know why Im posting in here, maybe because Im rolling and my brother is too high to give a shit about it, but I still feel like when she wakes up she is going to be pissed at me.  I hate this feeling of trying to do the right thing but still fearing her taking it the wrong way.  We have been together for almost 3 years and have definitely had some struggles, I cheated on her at the very beginning of our relationship, but she found out about it almost a year later.  It sucks feeling like just because I was in the same vicinity of ratchet hos she will automatically assume I couldnt control myself.  I dont know, Im sitting here rolling balls and I just wish it were the morning so she would wake up and either understand that even though I was in a bad situation I put our relationship first, or she will just be full rampage like fuckkkkk

[close]

I've had a lot of the same experiences. Don't worry too much man. She might be mad for a little but she won't hold a grudge. She obviously loves you  if you guys have been together for 3 years. Especially if you cheated on her before and she got over that. If anything get her a present like some jewelry or flowers or something cute, whatever you think she would like, don't forget to be sappy and tell her how much you love her over and over, at the same time play your cool and make her think your the one she really wants, just be confident. Not really good advice but I tried to help  haha. Best of luck to you and your girl man. Don't let her go.

I think I was just rolling super fucking hard, which is something I havent done in months same with benzos, but she was not pissed in the slightest.  She was happy that I told her and agreed that had I been able to get ahold of her she wouldve given me the option to stay but ultimately was uncomfortable with the sluts there.  Shes happy I thought of her, and that my course of actions was the right one to take.  She feels bad that I didnt get to drink with my friends just cause they like to chill with skanks so she asked me if I wanted to get a couple bottles of cheap champagne, make mimosas, and have her model the new stuff she got from victorias secret for me.  All in all things turned out okay, for once in my life.

[JB]

I started taking opiates like any other kid would, surgeries, broken bones, the typical way. That was about 6 or or 7 years ago. Today December 20th, 2013. I can't go a day without taking Methadone or Heroin. I can't watch a movie, go on a walk, shower, brush my teeth, fill out an application unless I'm high. This opiate devil has ruined many good relationships I've had with beautiful girlfriends who really cared about me and stuck around even though I would steal their money or blow them off because I'm waiting for my dealer or laying in my bed sick and sneezing and shitting every 5 minutes. I used to skate everyday it was my life and in many ways it still is. I daydream about me being clean and ripping like I used to. Having a normal day without a sore body hanging out with friends and sharing 2 liters of coke. I miss those days. I miss the people I had in my life, I miss the potential I showed and the the smart witty kid I once was. I was voted class clown over 3 times in different school, won spelling bees and was popular. Now days I'm known as the kid who will rip you off or the one who "used" to be a really cool kid. I don't have days anymore I have sickness and when i'm not sick I'm clouded by opiate abuse, blankly sitting on a couch in my moms basement watching movies and reading books. I don't talk as much as I used to, I don't do anything like I was able to. I miss the person I was and the person I was certain I would become. I've hurt my family �in many ways, and take advantage of anyone I can. Deep down i know it's wrong but these drugs that have tied me down won't let me leave. I'm scared to get clean because I still love getting high. It's scary and I wonder if I will ever be able to see myself in the mirror again, that bright young beautiful kid I was with a huge smile ready to take on the world. I'm only 22 so in the distance I can see the light of hope, I just hope I make it in time before I'm dead or in jail. I'm sorry friends for taking your parents medicine out of their cabinet I'm sorry Hayden (my first awesome girlfriend) for stealing your moms pills (I never got caught but I know drugs are the reason were not together anymore) I'm sorry to all my family for taking money from you and feeding you lies. I'm Sorry Danny (me) for doing this to you, you hd a rough childhood I didn't mean to make life worse as you got older. I'll see you soon buddy. Stay Golden

i have a 21 year old brother who has been through all of the same shit you have since hes been 18. i dont know what addiction feels like, but from seeing how his life has been, i know opiate addiction is one of the hardest things for someone to kick. if your parents and family dont know about it, suck it up and tell them you need help. i know rehab is really fucking expensive, but the most success my brother has had and his longest sober stints have been because of treatment. if your parents can help you out, its going to give you a way better chance of recovery. after that, make going to AA and NA meetings part of your life. its not like you can be sober for a few weeks or even months, then your totally cured. you need to always stay up on it and make soberiaty your priority. one of my moms friends is an alcoholic and shes been going to AA meetings for probably 20 something years and she said if she didnt work that hard at it, she'd probably be dead. just keep your head up because it can get better. id advise against getting on something like suboxin or another opiate replacement for a long period of time. its just supposed to help you ween off, not take over as your new addiction. my brother has been on that shit for years, and im pretty sure he still uses.

Sorry to hear that escapistfool. Bitches man... Let her go. Have a beer and push down the street and take some deep breaths and be glad you are capable of feeling things this complex, things that are non existent for many. Life, huh.

and escapistfool, im sorry to hear about your girl. 4 years is a long time to be with someone, so i can imagine youre pretty devastated about the whole thing. but it sounds like you did nothing wrong and youve been a pretty good boyfriend to her, so dont beat yourself up too bad. younger girls, especially when theyre in college want freedom to do whatever they want and if thats the case, there really isnt anything you can do to keep her. it will be really hard to get over her, but its part of life. just remember that you were a good boyfriend to her, and its not your fault. and as hard as it might be, dont get back together with her. nothing will ever erase the fact that she was the one who cheated on you and didnt value your relationship the first time, and youll always be stressing out about whether or not shes going to leave you again. like l33t said, you had a girl before, you can get another. shit happens and sometimes you just gotta roll with it. and this is just my suggestion, but maybe you should give the disney land tickets to some little kid who would be really psyched. maybe a cousin of yours or something. it might make you feel good to take off on vacation with a new chick, but it sounds like a spiteful move, and disney land to me feels like youd have to kind of force yourself to have fun with a new girl, when you will probably be thinking about your old girl the whole time. im just trying to suggest keeping things positive instead of spiteful. ive gotten bitter and spiteful towards an ex before and after a while it just makes you feel like an asshole. randomly making some kids day by giving them tickets to disney land, that would be something you have the rest of your life to remember and feel good about. keep your head up dude.

[escapistfool]

Expand Quote

I started taking opiates like any other kid would, surgeries, broken bones, the typical way. That was about 6 or or 7 years ago. Today December 20th, 2013. I can't go a day without taking Methadone or Heroin. I can't watch a movie, go on a walk, shower, brush my teeth, fill out an application unless I'm high. This opiate devil has ruined many good relationships I've had with beautiful girlfriends who really cared about me and stuck around even though I would steal their money or blow them off because I'm waiting for my dealer or laying in my bed sick and sneezing and shitting every 5 minutes. I used to skate everyday it was my life and in many ways it still is. I daydream about me being clean and ripping like I used to. Having a normal day without a sore body hanging out with friends and sharing 2 liters of coke. I miss those days. I miss the people I had in my life, I miss the potential I showed and the the smart witty kid I once was. I was voted class clown over 3 times in different school, won spelling bees and was popular. Now days I'm known as the kid who will rip you off or the one who "used" to be a really cool kid. I don't have days anymore I have sickness and when i'm not sick I'm clouded by opiate abuse, blankly sitting on a couch in my moms basement watching movies and reading books. I don't talk as much as I used to, I don't do anything like I was able to. I miss the person I was and the person I was certain I would become. I've hurt my family �in many ways, and take advantage of anyone I can. Deep down i know it's wrong but these drugs that have tied me down won't let me leave. I'm scared to get clean because I still love getting high. It's scary and I wonder if I will ever be able to see myself in the mirror again, that bright young beautiful kid I was with a huge smile ready to take on the world. I'm only 22 so in the distance I can see the light of hope, I just hope I make it in time before I'm dead or in jail. I'm sorry friends for taking your parents medicine out of their cabinet I'm sorry Hayden (my first awesome girlfriend) for stealing your moms pills (I never got caught but I know drugs are the reason were not together anymore) I'm sorry to all my family for taking money from you and feeding you lies. I'm Sorry Danny (me) for doing this to you, you hd a rough childhood I didn't mean to make life worse as you got older. I'll see you soon buddy. Stay Golden

[close]

i have a 21 year old brother who has been through all of the same shit you have since hes been 18. i dont know what addiction feels like, but from seeing how his life has been, i know opiate addiction is one of the hardest things for someone to kick. if your parents and family dont know about it, suck it up and tell them you need help. i know rehab is really fucking expensive, but the most success my brother has had and his longest sober stints have been because of treatment. if your parents can help you out, its going to give you a way better chance of recovery. after that, make going to AA and NA meetings part of your life. its not like you can be sober for a few weeks or even months, then your totally cured. you need to always stay up on it and make soberiaty your priority. one of my moms friends is an alcoholic and shes been going to AA meetings for probably 20 something years and she said if she didnt work that hard at it, she'd probably be dead. just keep your head up because it can get better. id advise against getting on something like suboxin or another opiate replacement for a long period of time. its just supposed to help you ween off, not take over as your new addiction. my brother has been on that shit for years, and im pretty sure he still uses.

Expand Quote

Sorry to hear that escapistfool. Bitches man... Let her go. Have a beer and push down the street and take some deep breaths and be glad you are capable of feeling things this complex, things that are non existent for many. Life, huh.

[close]

and escapistfool, im sorry to hear about your girl. 4 years is a long time to be with someone, so i can imagine youre pretty devastated about the whole thing. but it sounds like you did nothing wrong and youve been a pretty good boyfriend to her, so dont beat yourself up too bad. younger girls, especially when theyre in college want freedom to do whatever they want and if thats the case, there really isnt anything you can do to keep her. it will be really hard to get over her, but its part of life. just remember that you were a good boyfriend to her, and its not your fault. and as hard as it might be, dont get back together with her. nothing will ever erase the fact that she was the one who cheated on you and didnt value your relationship the first time, and youll always be stressing out about whether or not shes going to leave you again. like l33t said, you had a girl before, you can get another. shit happens and sometimes you just gotta roll with it. and this is just my suggestion, but maybe you should give the disney land tickets to some little kid who would be really psyched. maybe a cousin of yours or something. it might make you feel good to take off on vacation with a new chick, but it sounds like a spiteful move, and disney land to me feels like youd have to kind of force yourself to have fun with a new girl, when you will probably be thinking about your old girl the whole time. im just trying to suggest keeping things positive instead of spiteful. ive gotten bitter and spiteful towards an ex before and after a while it just makes you feel like an asshole. randomly making some kids day by giving them tickets to disney land, that would be something you have the rest of your life to remember and feel good about. keep your head up dude.

Thank you so much. It will surely take a while for me to get over her.
I'm actually taking my sister instead, I've been neglecting my sister ever since things around the house turned sour. I have to be a big brother again to my sister.

[shark tits]

for all of yuz w/ opiate problems, the fact that you have [or have had] skating puts you ahead of most junkies who lack redeeming qualities/consuming activities. i've gone sick the hard way at my ma's house, homeless a freight train away from my supply, everywhere but jail [thank goodness]. get you a 3-5 day supply of benzos, they'll get you through w/drawal. don't trade one vice for another but a few days of benzos is what you'd get at a rehab clinic or a hip jail like multnomah county. after that, get back on your board, apologize to everyone, do whatever the fuck you do. if you can find dope you can find xanax, just make the effort to get past the first couple days then get hungry like greco did. if you're stoked on what you're doing it's not hard to stay clean.

[dask8d00d]

New Beyonce album is fire

[paraquat]

New Beyonce album is fire

Dude your sig is fire.

[poorlatino]

Yeah unfortunately my mom has been a heroin addict since I was in 1st grade. She was the first person to introduce the hard shit to me. I don't know my father he's in Mexico somewhere. I'm going to move out of this house and get as far away as I can from users and the dope. I like the Idea about taking Benzos while I get dope sick. It's still a scary thought though. I do find inspiration from Greco and I can't wait to be in the point in my life where I take out all my aggression on my skateboard. I may not be the happiest person, but I'll be clean and strong. Thanks slap pals for all the advice. Hopefully soon I'll give you guys an update on my journey through hell.

[Merked]

Expand Quote

Sorry to hear that escapistfool. Bitches man... Let her go. Have a beer and push down the street and take some deep breaths and be glad you are capable of feeling things this complex, things that are non existent for many. Life, huh.

[close]

Thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate it. I just wish things were different.

Well put paraquat.  Also, escapist, as JB said, you didn't do anything wrong and you deserve better than her.  Be happy that she told you instead of going behind your back and crushing you even harder a few years down the line.  Girls that cheat stay cheating.  You are going to find someone better.

Also, I had a relationship for four years that ended pretty fucking badly as well.  Not by cheating, but from other complications.  It gets alot better, just so you know.  Stay up.