I just need to make a selfish venting post, sorry in advance.
i. I'm visiting my family right now, and my boyfriend is back at home, and he has pretty much just been asking what I'm doing constantly. He even found a guy I'm chatting with down here and started talking to him. I'm a rather private person and in need of space, and I'm just not getting it whatsoever.
Earlier, I let him know about how I feel, in a way that he would have understood. However, since a couple friends let him down today, his mood took a sharp decline when I talked to him about what I wanted. He started talking about suicide, and I helped him get through it. It fucking sucks to have to worry about this shit while I'm on holiday.
Fortunately, this happens pretty rarely. The few shitty nights have been totally worth it. 99% of the time it's great, but I need to vent about the bad.
ii. So many people in California are fucking flakes. I've set up so many potential meetings here, but 1/5 (if that) actually come through. Even guys I've met before flake out. Fucking hell.
iii. I'll probably never be comfortable on coping (or any obstacle, really), I still freak out about STIs even though I'm ridiculously careful, my body gets way too cold way too easily, I haven't cuddled at all with guys on my holiday, I don't want to be told what to do, I don't want to have to find a job, I don't want to be wrongly denied for insurance again, gdsiunfdsbhjkahkbj fadsui hfldusafludsakj fjhiuh ye8qyfshdfg.
I feel a lot better now.