I had a pretty dysfunctional childhood, way too many details to put down here as to why it was fucked up but in general, my dad was completely emotionally unavailable and pretty much ignored me for the first 19-20 years of my life, even though he and my mom weren't separated and he came home every day. So basically I had a dad who was always around but never seemed to care too much about me. My mom had/has gnarly PTSD from her father so she was only able to do so much to compensate for my dad's lack of parenting. She also was emotionally unavailable as well and didn't show much affection, and my dad never showed any. The first time I can remember hugging another human being was when I was 17 because my parents never hugged me and I never hugged anyone before then because it felt to me like something only other people got to do. Long story short, I coped by forming an avoident attachment style and by never expecting to be loved by anyone. I was very fortunate to have great friends, though, and my girlfriend is incredible, but I still occasionally have nights where I feel so isolated and alone, and where it feels incredibly uncomfortable to realize that someone (my girlfriend) actually loves me. Tonight is one of those nights.
Topic: real confessions (Read 1977124 times)