Also Darth, not sure what your situation is....hoping you smoke weed , if so please take a long break. Performs wonders, you probably know. Took me nearly 2 decades to realize over consumption of green created negative feelings, anxiety , depression, you name it, etc. Really hinders instead of benefit like it used to when we younger. If your negative feelings not related to ganj : please take a deep breath brother, relax then ponder the cause of you feeling invalidated in different aspects. Think you're like most of us... way too hard on ourselves. Crazy chaotic time right now ... So much time to self reflect. Sounds so cheezy, I never listened for longest time nevertheless Diet + exercise performs wonders for mind, body, & soul. You sound like you're not content , want you to be happy so suggest switching it up by trying new lifestyle . Hope some of this helps. Feel like a walking contradiction however truly believe just the simple changes help tremendously...