Author Topic: real confessions  (Read 1734714 times)

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Phil Leotardo

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9990 on: February 13, 2021, 04:20:35 PM »
Definitely feel the dissociation posts. Had to quit smoking weed recently.  Every time I would toke I'd have massive panic attacks/anxiety to the point where I'd just zone out like a zombie in my own thoughts. Not pleasant at all. Been two months now and haven't had it happen since. Was a daily smoker so maybe that had something to do with it idk
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lazer69

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9991 on: February 14, 2021, 10:09:00 AM »
I think Im a highly functioning autist. It makes life a bit frustrating, disappointing, and difficult.

Oh and I dont care about autism jokes, or normies calling others or each other, or myself that..

Dr-Feelgood

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9992 on: February 14, 2021, 03:02:40 PM »
Lately ive been coming to terms with letting friendships end or not putting so much stock into maintaining friendships with people that i shouldnt.....I use to think close friends were all you had and regardless of how different you might be you need to really maintain it but it shouldnt be THAT much work, if people are just negative toxic assholes i dont need to try and change that or be a part of it. I can have no beef and be civil but not put anymore of my time or energy into the relationship........i think that make sense, im just word vomiting whats on my mind right now.


We may not know what skateboarding is
But we sure as hell know what it aint
Wait we know what it is now too -
Falling down and gettin back up

fuhkin_powahfood_kid

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9993 on: February 14, 2021, 03:31:53 PM »
Lately ive been coming to terms with letting friendships end or not putting so much stock into maintaining friendships with people that i shouldnt.....I use to think close friends were all you had and regardless of how different you might be you need to really maintain it but it shouldnt be THAT much work, if people are just negative toxic assholes i dont need to try and change that or be a part of it. I can have no beef and be civil but not put anymore of my time or energy into the relationship........i think that make sense, im just word vomiting whats on my mind right now.

hey good for you on that tip. I've had to cut some out, one in particular was very hard. Dude was one of my longest friends who I'd been through a lot with and a person the called my brother. For years, like more than a decade, I excused his constant lies about things that don't matter (women, money, skating, other "cool" experiences), patronizing attitude towards others and increasingly myself, shit talking the homies when they weren't around, and inconsiderate/selfish nature as him just being his oblivious self that meant no harm. Mind you, we're in the mid30s now, but for a while, when dude was getting rough I'd say "Bro, why are you acting like your old man? That dudes a dick and you sound just like him" and it worked for a minute. About a year ago some betrayal sort of shit went down that really left me in the lurch and I decided that I was done. I've realized that for a few years anyways, that while we had a good time kicking it, I was always worried about getting shit talked or something by this dude and kind of dreaded hanging out with him and was concerned about it afterwards. Anyways, it was really similar to a toxic/abusive relationship in a lot of ways with all the gaslighting and tension. Although I've definitely removed myself from the shared scene spaces and miss some other people, I'm pretty stoked to no longer be associating with him.
If you plant ice, you’re gonna harvest wind

Dr-Feelgood

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9994 on: February 14, 2021, 08:51:11 PM »
Expand Quote
Lately ive been coming to terms with letting friendships end or not putting so much stock into maintaining friendships with people that i shouldnt.....I use to think close friends were all you had and regardless of how different you might be you need to really maintain it but it shouldnt be THAT much work, if people are just negative toxic assholes i dont need to try and change that or be a part of it. I can have no beef and be civil but not put anymore of my time or energy into the relationship........i think that make sense, im just word vomiting whats on my mind right now.
[close]

hey good for you on that tip. I've had to cut some out, one in particular was very hard. Dude was one of my longest friends who I'd been through a lot with and a person the called my brother. For years, like more than a decade, I excused his constant lies about things that don't matter (women, money, skating, other "cool" experiences), patronizing attitude towards others and increasingly myself, shit talking the homies when they weren't around, and inconsiderate/selfish nature as him just being his oblivious self that meant no harm. Mind you, we're in the mid30s now, but for a while, when dude was getting rough I'd say "Bro, why are you acting like your old man? That dudes a dick and you sound just like him" and it worked for a minute. About a year ago some betrayal sort of shit went down that really left me in the lurch and I decided that I was done. I've realized that for a few years anyways, that while we had a good time kicking it, I was always worried about getting shit talked or something by this dude and kind of dreaded hanging out with him and was concerned about it afterwards. Anyways, it was really similar to a toxic/abusive relationship in a lot of ways with all the gaslighting and tension. Although I've definitely removed myself from the shared scene spaces and miss some other people, I'm pretty stoked to no longer be associating with him.

Damn dude, sounds super similar. The guy im talking about pretty much hated his father but is exactly like him....if i told him that im sure he would flip out. Hes always been a little unhinged and ive known him my whole life so ive kinda just let it be but the past few years i hit a point where when we were hanging out or going for a few drinks id always worry about at what point of the evening is this guy gonna get set off by something i said he dosent agree with and get all high and mighty and agressive about it....in the end it just wasnt fun anymore, we had a mini blow up a few months ago and i tried to air out some honest opinions but of course that didnt go well....so i took a step back, havent shittalked, havent caused beef just decided i dont want to be a part of that anymore.


We may not know what skateboarding is
But we sure as hell know what it aint
Wait we know what it is now too -
Falling down and gettin back up

nivek navillus 25

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9995 on: February 14, 2021, 08:57:43 PM »
in kindergarten i would sit in the back of the class and think 'is this real?' like it seemed to be too surreal or absurd to be real but if it wasn't, who's dream was it? something had to be real. usedta trip me out a bit but i'd go home and ask my mom and she'd say it was real. just seemed so removed from my life to that point.
i usedta watch kids before school kick a dodgeball onto the roof and it would bounce down, they'd kick it back up. i enjoyed watching them play but if the ball ever came towards me i'd run off. i was an observer like it was a movie. i didn't want the attention. still don't although i have moments where i guess i grab the proverbial mic and am funny.

funeral_tuxedo

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9996 on: February 15, 2021, 12:51:48 PM »
I can relate to so much of what you guys are talking about in depersonalization.
When I was a kid I experienced some pretty horrorshow type traumas and became so dissociated as a survival mechanism that I couldn't really function without substances and even then I'd felt like I was barely a person. it hasn't been until recent years of therapy that I've begun unpacking that stuff gently.

@L33Tg33k I know this is unsolicited advice so feel free to tell me to fuck off, but in my experience as a person with heavy duty depression/anxiety I really had to work hard at putting myself out there and surviving rejection after rejection enough times to develop a baseline comfortability with romantic/sexual situations. Dating can be some next level psychological anguish and for years I needed to be fucked up to not have a panic attack just trying to decide if I should make a move to touch a girl's hand in a movie theater or nauseous self loathing imaging their disgust if I tried to kiss them even if we were on a date. And I'd always freeze and forget things and feel so blank and stupid.
Anyways, it was getting help with medical professionals that really pushed me into socializing and although I still struggle every day it's gotten so much better than it was. I've always thought you were really clever and genuine in your posts, so I'm willing to bet if you're comfortable on a date those qualities will show and humor will be a part of that too. If you ever want to PM about this stuff hit me up.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2021, 01:03:59 PM by funeral_tuxedo »

fuhkin_powahfood_kid

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9997 on: February 15, 2021, 02:51:11 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Lately ive been coming to terms with letting friendships end or not putting so much stock into maintaining friendships with people that i shouldnt.....I use to think close friends were all you had and regardless of how different you might be you need to really maintain it but it shouldnt be THAT much work, if people are just negative toxic assholes i dont need to try and change that or be a part of it. I can have no beef and be civil but not put anymore of my time or energy into the relationship........i think that make sense, im just word vomiting whats on my mind right now.
[close]

hey good for you on that tip. I've had to cut some out, one in particular was very hard. Dude was one of my longest friends who I'd been through a lot with and a person the called my brother. For years, like more than a decade, I excused his constant lies about things that don't matter (women, money, skating, other "cool" experiences), patronizing attitude towards others and increasingly myself, shit talking the homies when they weren't around, and inconsiderate/selfish nature as him just being his oblivious self that meant no harm. Mind you, we're in the mid30s now, but for a while, when dude was getting rough I'd say "Bro, why are you acting like your old man? That dudes a dick and you sound just like him" and it worked for a minute. About a year ago some betrayal sort of shit went down that really left me in the lurch and I decided that I was done. I've realized that for a few years anyways, that while we had a good time kicking it, I was always worried about getting shit talked or something by this dude and kind of dreaded hanging out with him and was concerned about it afterwards. Anyways, it was really similar to a toxic/abusive relationship in a lot of ways with all the gaslighting and tension. Although I've definitely removed myself from the shared scene spaces and miss some other people, I'm pretty stoked to no longer be associating with him.
[close]

Damn dude, sounds super similar. The guy im talking about pretty much hated his father but is exactly like him....if i told him that im sure he would flip out. Hes always been a little unhinged and ive known him my whole life so ive kinda just let it be but the past few years i hit a point where when we were hanging out or going for a few drinks id always worry about at what point of the evening is this guy gonna get set off by something i said he dosent agree with and get all high and mighty and agressive about it....in the end it just wasnt fun anymore, we had a mini blow up a few months ago and i tried to air out some honest opinions but of course that didnt go well....so i took a step back, havent shittalked, havent caused beef just decided i dont want to be a part of that anymore.

sounds very, very similar. damn. Last we spoke, he dropped some heavy sarcasm and gaslighting my way and I said something to the effect of a more heated version of "Dude, you're awfully mean to people who are supposed to be our friends and say a lot of things when they're not around. I'm wondering what you say about me when I'm not around" to which he replied "I'd rather be honest about people than a manipulator like you." I just stopped associating at that point. I reckon he's talked a lot of shit to our former mutual friends who he still hangs with because I haven't heard from any of them either, but it's better this way, for sure. I think my hardest part has been realizing that people have told me about how shtty this dude was the past 20 years! Man, I got this dude the hook up on numerous places to live, loaned him $, helped him find vehicles because he has no mechanic knowledge, etc. Anyways, I'm gonna get off it, I'm still a little bitter though. stay strong on it homie!
If you plant ice, you’re gonna harvest wind

matty_c

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9998 on: February 16, 2021, 01:50:42 AM »
I legit spent a dece chunk of my 20’s bumming around alternating between dole and Austudy and selling drugs and had a great time, always got wasted and stuff, always had cash to do whatevs
When I started apprenticeship cunts that I’d been friends and skated with for years started talking shit and calling me a greedy cunt and saying I was all about money. Like I’m even rich cunt

but I think it really was because I just started saying man you wanna sit at mine or go skating and you wanna drink half my carton and bum half my smokes or whatever well that will cost you this and if you’ve not got coin to chuck in then you can have a glass of water and dumpers from the ashtray.

At the time I was getting fucking destroyed as an apprentice, I mean it was deadset hard work and it made me think nah cunt I work hard for this coin it’s fucking mine mate

It was a different concept to me versus when it just lands in your hand from doing suss shit

I have this other group of friends guys I’ve known since primary and early high school, they all stopped skating in high school. Good blokes mostly tradies too but just like, solid people that I enjoy being around. But still proper loose units that love the sesh
Just able to back it up at work

I have a couple of mates that still skate and work different circle of friends and we meet up it’s good times but yeah just the amount of bitching went on from certain people when I started ‘doing well’ and I wanna say I was a fucking apprentice still at this stage. Doing well is subjective I only had a bit of coin cause I was doing cashies after work etc, literally working my arse of

Just the straight vitriol I copped from some cunts, found out about second hand kinda shocked me I mean nobody said shit to my face so maybe that’s on me, if someone can’t say something to your face why care right. I harbour some rage about this and it’s mostly cause I couldn’t even get no satisfaction, it’s like man you wanna talk shit come meet up...crickets

but just speaking generally here, there’s cunts that will just hate on absolutely anything. And you just can’t listen to them or even entertain their suggestions. Much less associate with them
They gonna fuck you up fam

People like that just want you to be a loser like them so they feel better about their situation

It’s rough but for everyone on here never be afraid or feel bad cutting out people that have no value. You can’t save em all and life’s fucking hard man can’t be wasting time on stupid shit you gotta do you

You’re only as smart as your dumbest mate
And also,

May the bridges you burn light your way

Dude that’s off 90210 luke perry said that shit, classic
listen to cosmic psychos

iKobrakai

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #9999 on: February 16, 2021, 05:09:37 AM »
If you have two-three friends after 30, you're super lucky.

Grind King Rims

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10000 on: February 16, 2021, 06:46:30 AM »
@matty_c you're hands down my favourite poster, hahahaha. My kind of dude.

shitsandwich

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10001 on: February 16, 2021, 01:07:24 PM »
I legit spent a dece chunk of my 20’s bumming around alternating between dole and Austudy and selling drugs and had a great time, always got wasted and stuff, always had cash to do whatevs
When I started apprenticeship cunts that I’d been friends and skated with for years started talking shit and calling me a greedy cunt and saying I was all about money. Like I’m even rich cunt

but I think it really was because I just started saying man you wanna sit at mine or go skating and you wanna drink half my carton and bum half my smokes or whatever well that will cost you this and if you’ve not got coin to chuck in then you can have a glass of water and dumpers from the ashtray.

At the time I was getting fucking destroyed as an apprentice, I mean it was deadset hard work and it made me think nah cunt I work hard for this coin it’s fucking mine mate

It was a different concept to me versus when it just lands in your hand from doing suss shit

I have this other group of friends guys I’ve known since primary and early high school, they all stopped skating in high school. Good blokes mostly tradies too but just like, solid people that I enjoy being around. But still proper loose units that love the sesh
Just able to back it up at work

I have a couple of mates that still skate and work different circle of friends and we meet up it’s good times but yeah just the amount of bitching went on from certain people when I started ‘doing well’ and I wanna say I was a fucking apprentice still at this stage. Doing well is subjective I only had a bit of coin cause I was doing cashies after work etc, literally working my arse of

Just the straight vitriol I copped from some cunts, found out about second hand kinda shocked me I mean nobody said shit to my face so maybe that’s on me, if someone can’t say something to your face why care right. I harbour some rage about this and it’s mostly cause I couldn’t even get no satisfaction, it’s like man you wanna talk shit come meet up...crickets

but just speaking generally here, there’s cunts that will just hate on absolutely anything. And you just can’t listen to them or even entertain their suggestions. Much less associate with them
They gonna fuck you up fam

People like that just want you to be a loser like them so they feel better about their situation

It’s rough but for everyone on here never be afraid or feel bad cutting out people that have no value. You can’t save em all and life’s fucking hard man can’t be wasting time on stupid shit you gotta do you

You’re only as smart as your dumbest mate
And also,

May the bridges you burn light your way

Dude that’s off 90210 luke perry said that shit, classic

Arrgh matey

Peter Zagreus

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10002 on: February 16, 2021, 08:22:21 PM »
If you have two-three friends after 30, you're super lucky.

So true.

fuhkin_powahfood_kid

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10003 on: February 16, 2021, 09:50:58 PM »
If you have two-three friends after 30, you're super lucky.

truth
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matty_c

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10004 on: February 17, 2021, 12:41:37 AM »
listen to cosmic psychos

Gray Imp Sausage Metal

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10005 on: February 17, 2021, 02:27:22 AM »
Matty c is such an Aussie, never change!

Impish sausage is definitely gonna blow up as a euphemism this year

DaleSr

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10006 on: February 17, 2021, 09:11:43 AM »
Expand Quote
If you have two-three friends after 30, you're super lucky.
[close]

So true.

Thirty is rapidly approaching for me, i feel very lucky to have the homies I have

Phil Leotardo

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10007 on: February 17, 2021, 01:56:11 PM »
Back in 04' When my Dad still lived in California I shit my pants waiting in line for the porta potties at the Orange County fair. I tried explaining myself to the ppl in front of me before it happened that it was an emergency and they had no empathy, just gave me blank stares. Thankfully it was a clean pinch so when it was my turn I just stuffed my boxers into the shitter and freeballed the rest of the day. Got to see Weird Al that night too so that kinda evened it out.
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matty_c

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10008 on: February 17, 2021, 06:10:08 PM »
Bro I went to the states when I was like eight or something and I think it was a mistake and I got the wrong cassette but I came back with the one where he’s in the pool like the nirvana baby, yeah it wasn’t the nirvana album man. Weird als sick though

I’ve shit my pants a few times just farting, sop is to just hide the boxers in the toilet. I use either the cistern or the tampon box
listen to cosmic psychos

Mystical Leader

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10009 on: February 18, 2021, 01:15:26 AM »
I don't know if this is the right place but my love confessed to me a couple of days ago that she hasn't done anything nice to me for a whole year because I'm a bitch in the mornings..

Makes you think what am I doing with this person if she doesn't want me to be happy.

We have made decisions about our long term commitment to each other and have said that we will try to improve ourselves and grow as individuals and as a couple(think House of Cards). And now I'm left with this thought in my head that everything is a lie and she's only here to gain something/everything from me. I really thought she was nice to me the whole time too. Which makes it really weird to hear that she thinks they way she does.

My confession is I know that I should take a step back and figure things out on my own but I'm not going to do that because i can't live without emotional pain. There is just something special to be hurt and in love. I know it's not healty but that is not my concern.

Sorry for the rant. Jk


matty_c

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10010 on: February 18, 2021, 03:49:16 AM »
Man I don’t know if anywhere’s the right place for that holy shit your ender was mad heavy

All I got is I know I’m a prick in the morning if I don’t get enough sleep, maybe try that and make her breakfast sometimes like not on a schedule or anything just like one random day a week

She’ll suck your dick, man
listen to cosmic psychos

Grind King Rims

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10011 on: February 18, 2021, 05:45:37 AM »
Bro I went to the states when I was like eight or something and I think it was a mistake

How I read this

I don't know if this is the right place but my love confessed to me a couple of days ago that she hasn't done anything nice to me for a whole year because I'm a bitch in the mornings..

Makes you think what am I doing with this person if she doesn't want me to be happy.

We have made decisions about our long term commitment to each other and have said that we will try to improve ourselves and grow as individuals and as a couple(think House of Cards). And now I'm left with this thought in my head that everything is a lie and she's only here to gain something/everything from me. I really thought she was nice to me the whole time too. Which makes it really weird to hear that she thinks they way she does.

My confession is I know that I should take a step back and figure things out on my own but I'm not going to do that because i can't live without emotional pain. There is just something special to be hurt and in love. I know it's not healty but that is not my concern.

Sorry for the rant. Jk

Sounds kind of fucked man

matty_c

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10012 on: February 18, 2021, 04:13:47 PM »
Haha nah it was a real good time, I meant about the cassette I don’t know if I actually got the wrong one or the parents did the switcheroo, they weren’t stoked on the parental advisory ones when I was real little. They ended up mellowing out heaps

But yeah saw most of us as a kid I remember heaps that holiday was a blast, deadset. We lived on I dunno if you’d call it a hobby farm or whatever but I mean it was close enough to Brisbane but fuck me that whole holiday my whole family was bugging
listen to cosmic psychos

Huell Howser

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10013 on: February 19, 2021, 12:18:31 AM »
Back in 04' When my Dad still lived in California I shit my pants waiting in line for the porta potties at the Orange County fair. I tried explaining myself to the ppl in front of me before it happened that it was an emergency and they had no empathy, just gave me blank stares. Thankfully it was a clean pinch so when it was my turn I just stuffed my boxers into the shitter and freeballed the rest of the day. Got to see Weird Al that night too so that kinda evened it out.

damn seeing Weird Al at the OC fair is a right of passage. U a real one my man!

glad it was a clean getaway and you recovered nicely enough to enjoy the rest of the night

Phil Leotardo

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10014 on: February 19, 2021, 02:11:29 PM »
Hell yea dude! Was a memorable day no doubt. Also got to skate the vans park in Orange a few times, which are other favorite memories of mine looking back. The combi bowl by the giant warehouse doors was super fun. Younger me didn't realize how many legends ripped around that thing.
There's no scraps in my scrapbook

Huell Howser

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10015 on: February 19, 2021, 03:25:01 PM »
Hell yea dude! Was a memorable day no doubt. Also got to skate the vans park in Orange a few times, which are other favorite memories of mine looking back. The combi bowl by the giant warehouse doors was super fun. Younger me didn't realize how many legends ripped around that thing.

dude yes!!! Man, I have so many amazing memories going to that park when I was growing up with friends and then hittin up krispy kreme right outside after haha. I was definitely not getting near that combi either and was also to young to recognize who was around


SneakySecrets

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10016 on: February 19, 2021, 10:53:57 PM »
I’ve fucked up every single time I’ve ever attempted to chime in with “Leonard Bernstein” in that REM song End of the World As We Know It.

I always feel really confident: “I got it this time for sure”.  I then get it wrong just like every other time and then try to save face by pretending I was just clearing my throat or coughing as a sharp pang of shame runs through my body.
When nothing in society deserves respect, we should fashion for ourselves in solitude new silent loyalties.

matty_c

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10017 on: February 20, 2021, 04:14:11 AM »
I’ve got my spine I’ve got my orange crush
listen to cosmic psychos

straight

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10018 on: February 24, 2021, 07:57:13 PM »
jacked off with my shoes on recently and still feel guilty about it
What kind of mikey taylor logic is this?

Frank

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #10019 on: February 24, 2021, 10:33:20 PM »
jacked off with my shoes on recently and still feel guilty about it

why, did you nut on your shoes?

i always say i work with glue and these are my work shoes.