Author Topic: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread  (Read 16248 times)

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Frank

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #300 on: August 29, 2022, 03:12:07 PM »
Hello, longtime lurker first time poster.
Going trough a rough period currently and do not know where to go anymore.
I have been battling depression for the last 10 years, back than I lost my job, house and relationship. As a result I grabbed drugs and alcohol in order to escape the pain (classical escapism). After 5 years they found a small tumor in my brain (no cancer tho) and as a result they advised me to stop using and I did, I have been clean no for 5 years (accept for weed, that's the one thing a fell back on a year ago and it kind of helps and is also helpful against seizures caused by the tumor). However because I had to change my lifestyle I lost my friends, again a job and again a relationship. Ending up alone, depressed and so fucked up that I could not see any reason to live. Started therapy again without any good results and started the trajectory of euthanasia.
Skip three years forward (so two ago from now) and I finally was comfortable enough to try to live again so I did, I tried to live again. However, the last few years have been tough and the last month everything just spiralled out of control. I lost my job due to a mistake of the HR department. My roommate put me in the middle of a conflict between him and another roommate and as a result I got death threats by this guys family and even got visited by them in my own house, police can't do anything, did a emergency move to a new place (with all the stress and anxiety), all fucked up while I did not even spoke to the guy yet, like wtf?
So Job gone, again problems with housing, no friends who where there for me as every knows how difficult it is to be there for a depressed person. I opened up against my partner about all this and how I felt, she going trough a tough time also and chose for her mental health and said she cannot deal with me on top of all the problems she has and decided to end the relationship.
I feel like I am back at square one, lost everything, everything i fought for was for nothing, cannot find a single reason to live, cannot expect a future which will be better as it always turns out that I lose everything. Been battling suicidal tendencies for two weeks now. Skating does not help anymore. I am so god damn tired of life.
thank you for reaching out!

that's all fucking harsh dude, damn.

i don't know if i could come up with a smart idea that you didn't already have.

i'd start with looking for a new job asap to secure housing to halt the further spiralling downward into existential panic. which is totally warranted, if i was you, i'd be sick of all this shit as well. but it's important to have another perspective that some of those things can be fixed rather easily(the material stuff) by sheer force.

never count your old friends out, maybe there's someone you haven't talked to in a while or maybe you just think they don't want anything to do with you. all these people would wish they got a call from you if you did something to yourself, so they could do anything to have you not do it.

you have every right to be depressed, it seems you've been going through hell. but please don't give up on yourself! you can have your partner back or get another one when you managed to stabilize again. if you do the easier stuff first, maybe you'll get more self confidence again, just like with skating. i know it sucks to redo that all the time, i feel that, i hate switching jobs. i have to switch jobs often cause i get fired a lot. i have mild autism and irl sometimes i just behave too weird or impulsive, which usually gets me kicked out. i insult my boss or something, boom. ur fired! i fucking hate everything and want to sleep forever! but... especially when you mainly work shitty jobs like me, doing retail, service, waiting tables, line cook, dishwashing, then any job after some time is just another job. i failed uni because i basically can't go to a school that doesn't force me to go or organize my schedule. i just can't do that. i can barely hold a sleeping pattern down at 36. my life is looking fucked for a lot of my peers but these days i learned to be happy that i can make my rent, pay for my food and hobbies. that's actually a lot for me. i used to hate myself for being an underachiever but now i'm psyched i survive like this roach. so if all else fails, be proud that the world has been this fucked up to you, but still it was unable to completely destroy you. you're a fucking soldier my dude. this is why people like us have to march on. there is something in the future for you and me, 100%. i just hope i'll have life easy mode unlocked before i turn 40. and even then there's still time. anyone under 50 is still young enough to change their life 180.

i also say this because i was on a similar euthanasia trip due to depression from age 25-35 and now as we went past that i'm actually happy i haven't managed to run myself into the ground completely, actually very happy, even though my life hasn't changed a lot. but my outlook on how good i actually have it has changed and i learned to be sort of happy with what i got, and sometimes content with who i am even tho i am incompatible for a lot of normal social interactions.

please don't kill yourself, there's like a thousand freaky things you could do to change up your life that don't involve killing yourself :(

CrumblingInfrastructure

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #301 on: September 12, 2022, 06:12:11 PM »
Shits been feeling a bit much lately, last week was a pretty intense depressive episode for me. I called off work for the week and just proceeded to drink and feel extremely sad. Not full on suicidal but it was definitely bordering on a lack of care of living or not.

As far as work goes im getting the feeling they might try to let me go. At the very least something shitty is gunna happen this week.

I have no idea exactly what iím trying to do with this post besides at least just airing out what im holding in.

sexualhelon

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #302 on: September 13, 2022, 01:08:14 PM »
Shits been feeling a bit much lately, last week was a pretty intense depressive episode for me. I called off work for the week and just proceeded to drink and feel extremely sad. Not full on suicidal but it was definitely bordering on a lack of care of living or not.

As far as work goes im getting the feeling they might try to let me go. At the very least something shitty is gunna happen this week.

I have no idea exactly what iím trying to do with this post besides at least just airing out what im holding in.

Ay, sometimes it feels good to just air it out. It can feel impossible to get through those episodes of depression. If you don't feel like the drinking is really helping you get through it, maybe try to cut back a bit. If you think your work is going to let you go or something shitty is going to happen, you can hope for the best and plan for the worst but at least you saw it coming. I know it's easier said than done, but maybe it's a sign to think about changes you should and would want to make regardless.

I'm going through some shit now and still don't have it all figured out. But it feels like the first time I'm trying to become a better version of myself through it. I started reconnecting with friends, going to therapy, and thinking about what I need to do in order to make myself happy. Maybe I'm not the best person to give advice but I'd say think about what made/makes you happy, what you enjoy, and do it. You don't have to start big, you can start small.

doublesteveburger

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #303 on: September 14, 2022, 11:57:24 AM »
I ditched work today. Today marks one year since my good buddy ODíd, subsequently itís also his birthday. I know thereís a lesson there that he left us with I just canít help but fixate on the sadness of it all. In due time Iíll be celebrating his birthday instead. The addicts survivors guilt is turned up to 11 lately and I canít shake the familiarity in our situations except I always had people looking out for me. It explains why Iím here and he is not.

Itís not past me that this is all really gross - venting about this shit in a message board. Itís my only option right now and keeping it in ainít healthy.

But I ditched work today so Iím gonna go do a couple of nollie flips for my friend Ben because Iím still here.


Be safe out there pimps, stay off the counterfeit stuff, take care of yourselves and check in on your quiet friends.

RoaryMcTwang

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #304 on: September 18, 2022, 05:29:07 AM »
I ditched work today. Today marks one year since my good buddy ODíd, subsequently itís also his birthday. I know thereís a lesson there that he left us with I just canít help but fixate on the sadness of it all. In due time Iíll be celebrating his birthday instead. The addicts survivors guilt is turned up to 11 lately and I canít shake the familiarity in our situations except I always had people looking out for me. It explains why Iím here and he is not.

Itís not past me that this is all really gross - venting about this shit in a message board. Itís my only option right now and keeping it in ainít healthy.

But I ditched work today so Iím gonna go do a couple of nollie flips for my friend Ben because Iím still here.


Be safe out there pimps, stay off the counterfeit stuff, take care of yourselves and check in on your quiet friends.

Stay safe yourself. Good on you for letting us in on how you feel, people donít talk about whatís going on inside nearly enough. This might be just a message board but thanks to you, Nicky, Frank up there and all the other pals sharing and looking out for each other, its a good one.


Shifty Flip

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #305 on: September 21, 2022, 08:35:22 PM »
Yesterday, I Drove to the nearest city, Baltimore, after 6 years clean. I didn't even realize Id driven there over an hour one way until I got the money in my hand on the block about to cop.  It's like someone slapped me at that point though. The guys on the block we're actually supportive and told me, you don't need to be here my G, just show us a trick on that skateboard and roll on. It's incredibly scary, going through divorce after 13 years with 5-year-old son, after just getting out of the methadone clinic after 20+ years, and my wife is divorcing because she wants to continue to party at shows and festivals, while leaving our son to go party, it even worse taking him with her to these adult only situations. I came so close to abandoning our son as well though, without even realizing it.  Today I'm thankful there's a phellowship online for sober support.  I'm very grateful I didn't relapse.  It's likely I would've lost my life immediately, because since 95 I've never had a month of clean time let alone 6 yrs in a row, only after my son was born did that change.  I've been in the hospital so much the past few months over and over, in so much pain because of Pancreatitis and Appendicitis complications, all while refusing opiates through surgeries.  I thought I was far from the sneaky relapse but obviously I was wrong.  Called many people right away, as I drove home.  Told my therapist and anyone that will listen.  It's still petrifying how close it was. Stress can kill.  In more ways than one.  That's my current reality.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2022, 03:54:30 AM by Shifty Flip »
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