The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread

[Frank]

Hello, longtime lurker first time poster.
Going trough a rough period currently and do not know where to go anymore.
I have been battling depression for the last 10 years, back than I lost my job, house and relationship. As a result I grabbed drugs and alcohol in order to escape the pain (classical escapism). After 5 years they found a small tumor in my brain (no cancer tho) and as a result they advised me to stop using and I did, I have been clean no for 5 years (accept for weed, that's the one thing a fell back on a year ago and it kind of helps and is also helpful against seizures caused by the tumor). However because I had to change my lifestyle I lost my friends, again a job and again a relationship. Ending up alone, depressed and so fucked up that I could not see any reason to live. Started therapy again without any good results and started the trajectory of euthanasia.
Skip three years forward (so two ago from now) and I finally was comfortable enough to try to live again so I did, I tried to live again. However, the last few years have been tough and the last month everything just spiralled out of control. I lost my job due to a mistake of the HR department. My roommate put me in the middle of a conflict between him and another roommate and as a result I got death threats by this guys family and even got visited by them in my own house, police can't do anything, did a emergency move to a new place (with all the stress and anxiety), all fucked up while I did not even spoke to the guy yet, like wtf?
So Job gone, again problems with housing, no friends who where there for me as every knows how difficult it is to be there for a depressed person. I opened up against my partner about all this and how I felt, she going trough a tough time also and chose for her mental health and said she cannot deal with me on top of all the problems she has and decided to end the relationship.
I feel like I am back at square one, lost everything, everything i fought for was for nothing, cannot find a single reason to live, cannot expect a future which will be better as it always turns out that I lose everything. Been battling suicidal tendencies for two weeks now. Skating does not help anymore. I am so god damn tired of life.

thank you for reaching out!

that's all fucking harsh dude, damn.

i don't know if i could come up with a smart idea that you didn't already have.

i'd start with looking for a new job asap to secure housing to halt the further spiralling downward into existential panic. which is totally warranted, if i was you, i'd be sick of all this shit as well. but it's important to have another perspective that some of those things can be fixed rather easily(the material stuff) by sheer force.

never count your old friends out, maybe there's someone you haven't talked to in a while or maybe you just think they don't want anything to do with you. all these people would wish they got a call from you if you did something to yourself, so they could do anything to have you not do it.

you have every right to be depressed, it seems you've been going through hell. but please don't give up on yourself! you can have your partner back or get another one when you managed to stabilize again. if you do the easier stuff first, maybe you'll get more self confidence again, just like with skating. i know it sucks to redo that all the time, i feel that, i hate switching jobs. i have to switch jobs often cause i get fired a lot. i have mild autism and irl sometimes i just behave too weird or impulsive, which usually gets me kicked out. i insult my boss or something, boom. ur fired! i fucking hate everything and want to sleep forever! but... especially when you mainly work shitty jobs like me, doing retail, service, waiting tables, line cook, dishwashing, then any job after some time is just another job. i failed uni because i basically can't go to a school that doesn't force me to go or organize my schedule. i just can't do that. i can barely hold a sleeping pattern down at 36. my life is looking fucked for a lot of my peers but these days i learned to be happy that i can make my rent, pay for my food and hobbies. that's actually a lot for me. i used to hate myself for being an underachiever but now i'm psyched i survive like this roach. so if all else fails, be proud that the world has been this fucked up to you, but still it was unable to completely destroy you. you're a fucking soldier my dude. this is why people like us have to march on. there is something in the future for you and me, 100%. i just hope i'll have life easy mode unlocked before i turn 40. and even then there's still time. anyone under 50 is still young enough to change their life 180.

i also say this because i was on a similar euthanasia trip due to depression from age 25-35 and now as we went past that i'm actually happy i haven't managed to run myself into the ground completely, actually very happy, even though my life hasn't changed a lot. but my outlook on how good i actually have it has changed and i learned to be sort of happy with what i got, and sometimes content with who i am even tho i am incompatible for a lot of normal social interactions.

please don't kill yourself, there's like a thousand freaky things you could do to change up your life that don't involve killing yourself

[CrumblingInfrastructure]

Shits been feeling a bit much lately, last week was a pretty intense depressive episode for me. I called off work for the week and just proceeded to drink and feel extremely sad. Not full on suicidal but it was definitely bordering on a lack of care of living or not.

As far as work goes im getting the feeling they might try to let me go. At the very least something shitty is gunna happen this week.

I have no idea exactly what i’m trying to do with this post besides at least just airing out what im holding in.

[sexualhelon]

Shits been feeling a bit much lately, last week was a pretty intense depressive episode for me. I called off work for the week and just proceeded to drink and feel extremely sad. Not full on suicidal but it was definitely bordering on a lack of care of living or not.

As far as work goes im getting the feeling they might try to let me go. At the very least something shitty is gunna happen this week.

I have no idea exactly what i’m trying to do with this post besides at least just airing out what im holding in.

Ay, sometimes it feels good to just air it out. It can feel impossible to get through those episodes of depression. If you don't feel like the drinking is really helping you get through it, maybe try to cut back a bit. If you think your work is going to let you go or something shitty is going to happen, you can hope for the best and plan for the worst but at least you saw it coming. I know it's easier said than done, but maybe it's a sign to think about changes you should and would want to make regardless.

I'm going through some shit now and still don't have it all figured out. But it feels like the first time I'm trying to become a better version of myself through it. I started reconnecting with friends, going to therapy, and thinking about what I need to do in order to make myself happy. Maybe I'm not the best person to give advice but I'd say think about what made/makes you happy, what you enjoy, and do it. You don't have to start big, you can start small.

[doublesteveburger]

I ditched work today. Today marks one year since my good buddy OD’d, subsequently it’s also his birthday. I know there’s a lesson there that he left us with I just can’t help but fixate on the sadness of it all. In due time I’ll be celebrating his birthday instead. The addicts survivors guilt is turned up to 11 lately and I can’t shake the familiarity in our situations except I always had people looking out for me. It explains why I’m here and he is not.

It’s not past me that this is all really gross - venting about this shit in a message board. It’s my only option right now and keeping it in ain’t healthy.

But I ditched work today so I’m gonna go do a couple of nollie flips for my friend Ben because I’m still here.


Be safe out there pimps, stay off the counterfeit stuff, take care of yourselves and check in on your quiet friends.

[RoaryMcTwang]

I ditched work today. Today marks one year since my good buddy OD’d, subsequently it’s also his birthday. I know there’s a lesson there that he left us with I just can’t help but fixate on the sadness of it all. In due time I’ll be celebrating his birthday instead. The addicts survivors guilt is turned up to 11 lately and I can’t shake the familiarity in our situations except I always had people looking out for me. It explains why I’m here and he is not.

It’s not past me that this is all really gross - venting about this shit in a message board. It’s my only option right now and keeping it in ain’t healthy.

But I ditched work today so I’m gonna go do a couple of nollie flips for my friend Ben because I’m still here.


Be safe out there pimps, stay off the counterfeit stuff, take care of yourselves and check in on your quiet friends.

Stay safe yourself. Good on you for letting us in on how you feel, people don’t talk about what’s going on inside nearly enough. This might be just a message board but thanks to you, Nicky, Frank up there and all the other pals sharing and looking out for each other, its a good one.

[Shifty Flip]

Yesterday, I Drove to the nearest city, Baltimore, after 6 years clean. I didn't even realize Id driven there over an hour one way until I got the money in my hand on the block about to cop.  It's like someone slapped me at that point though. The guys on the block we're actually supportive and told me, you don't need to be here my G, just show us a trick on that skateboard and roll on. It's incredibly scary, going through divorce after 13 years with 5-year-old son, after just getting out of the methadone clinic after 20+ years, and my wife is divorcing because she wants to continue to party at shows and festivals, while leaving our son to go party, it even worse taking him with her to these adult only situations. I came so close to abandoning our son as well though, without even realizing it.  Today I'm thankful there's a phellowship online for sober support.  I'm very grateful I didn't relapse.  It's likely I would've lost my life immediately, because since 95 I've never had a month of clean time let alone 6 yrs in a row, only after my son was born did that change.  I've been in the hospital so much the past few months over and over, in so much pain because of Pancreatitis and Appendicitis complications, all while refusing opiates through surgeries.  I thought I was far from the sneaky relapse but obviously I was wrong.  Called many people right away, as I drove home.  Told my therapist and anyone that will listen.  It's still petrifying how close it was. Stress can kill.  In more ways than one.  That's my current reality.

[Ms. Tamzarian]

Yesterday, I Drove to the nearest city, Baltimore, after 6 years clean. I didn't even realize Id driven there over an hour one way until I got the money in my hand on the block about to cop.  It's like someone slapped me at that point though. The guys on the block we're actually supportive and told me, you don't need to be here my G, just show us a trick on that skateboard and roll on. It's incredibly scary, going through divorce after 13 years with 5-year-old son, after just getting out of the methadone clinic after 20+ years, and my wife is divorcing because she wants to continue to party at shows and festivals, while leaving our son to go party, it even worse taking him with her to these adult only situations. I came so close to abandoning our son as well though, without even realizing it.  Today I'm thankful there's a phellowship online for sober support.  I'm very grateful I didn't relapse.  It's likely I would've lost my life immediately, because since 95 I've never had a month of clean time let alone 6 yrs in a row, only after my son was born did that change.  I've been in the hospital so much the past few months over and over, in so much pain because of Pancreatitis and Appendicitis complications, all while refusing opiates through surgeries.  I thought I was far from the sneaky relapse but obviously I was wrong.  Called many people right away, as I drove home.  Told my therapist and anyone that will listen.  It's still petrifying how close it was. Stress can kill.  In more ways than one.  That's my current reality.

I feel this so hard I could cry. One of my bandmates and I are recovering, and we often spend our down-time talking about how scary it is to face every day - not because things are bad necessarily, but more so because we could relapse. I was hooked on booze and psychedelics, and they were hooked on speed and smack. It's fucking insanity no matter what. Shit is so scary and you end up spending your adult life feeling like you're running from the grim reaper, but not too far out of reach. Like one of those Far Side bday cards that has the grim reaper in the rear view mirror, except morbid and horrifying and way too real. It fucking sucks.

But you're so right - at every turn, even at the worst of them, there is someone - virtual or in person - there is someone and that feeling of company just changes it all. We are here for you and I'm so happy you had people you could call! I'm so happy you were encouraged to leave, and I'm so happy you were receptive to your intuition too. There's so much stressing you out and it makes perfect sense you would want to go back in time to when we could... well you know. But it's not the trip anymore, and that's okay

It may not seem like we have more to live for, but we do, and we always will

[FatGuy92]

I just finished a 4 month DBT program. I had a crazy 2022. My fiance left me, I essentially lost my condo, had an uncle die from Covid, dog passed from cancer, lost some important friendships, relapsed on drugs, work has been so busy that I didn't have time to process... This is on top of childhood trauma that I never addressed. I was on the verge of blowing my brains out when I started the program and am now in a better place mentally. I honestly learned a lot despite a lot of apprehension when it began. While I still have my demons and am struggling with maintaining abstinence from drugs, I'm optimistic about the future. To anyone out there who is hurting, please reach out for help and know there isn't anything wrong with being vulnerable. Fuck, PM me if you need to. Posting on here and interacting with folks on here when I was at low points really helped me. Much love to everyone, do your best and be kind to yourself!

[RoaryMcTwang]

I just finished a 4 month DBT program. I had a crazy 2022. My fiance left me, I essentially lost my condo, had an uncle die from Covid, dog passed from cancer, lost some important friendships, relapsed on drugs, work has been so busy that I didn't have time to process... This is on top of childhood trauma that I never addressed. I was on the verge of blowing my brains out when I started the program and am now in a better place mentally. I honestly learned a lot despite a lot of apprehension when it began. While I still have my demons and am struggling with maintaining abstinence from drugs, I'm optimistic about the future. To anyone out there who is hurting, please reach out for help and know there isn't anything wrong with being vulnerable. Fuck, PM me if you need to. Posting on here and interacting with folks on here when I was at low points really helped me. Much love to everyone, do your best and be kind to yourself!

So good to hear you're doing better after all those horrible experiences. Yeah, learning how to be kind to yourself is absolutely crucial. Keep fighting the good fight and reach out if need be!

[Tommy G]

This might be a bit of a brain dump but I’ll try my best. I’m currently working a full time job with two side gigs doing A/V for all 3 of them. The side gigs are both church or ministry related and one of them eats up my Sunday and the other happens right after work on Tuesday. Lately I’ve been burned out because I’m trying to balance work, side gigs, skating, playing bass and cooking at home and my ADHD brain is so overwhelmed with figuring out what days I have time for anything that most of the time I just shut down after the end of the day and don’t want to do anything. I’m currently going through some spiritual awakening stuff along with my faith and reading about toxic selflessness and it’s all just hitting at one time while I’m burned out, depressed and bitter. It just feels like too much and I just don’t say no or walk away from things or take a break because I feel like I have no choice. I skate maybe once or twice a week and start to cripple myself with loss of motivation where all I do is try the same tricks over and over because I can’t make progress with how little I’ve had time to skate.

At this point I’m planning on quitting one of the side gigs so I can get some time after work to unwind. I also need to start studying so I can get a job in my major. Hopefully I can start skating more next month and into the new year because I miss it and it keeps me sane.

[L33Tg33k]

I’ve been having really low lows lately. Not to the point that I’m trying to blow my brains out or hang myself, but I definitely can’t get suicide out of my mind. I guess it’s a good thing I’m so scared of the physical act of dying. Nonexistence seems pretty choice though.

[dstrytruitt]

I’ve been having really low lows lately. Not to the point that I’m trying to blow my brains out or hang myself, but I definitely can’t get suicide out of my mind. I guess it’s a good thing I’m so scared of the physical act of dying. Nonexistence seems pretty choice though.

I really hope you've been able to find some peace since this post. I've considered how my family and the world would continue on without me a number of times but I can't leave my children with that trauma so I haven't attempted to act on those feelings.

I quit drinking day after labor day when I humiliated myself with old friends I hadn't seen in a few years. Up until then I was drinking roughly 5 of 7 nights each week at home while my wife and kids were there. Now that I'm not staying fucked up to numb out I have to sit with the feelings I was escaping from and it often feels just as hard as being a pile all the time. I'm in counseling and on meds and counselor feels I'm making good progress but I still feel so scattered and anxious and lost/without purpose regularly.

[Sizzle]

Currently running a
-mild aspergers
-severe pathological narcissism

Also have
-light residual amphetamine psychosis from being over-prescribed ADHD medication
-hardcore first-year-of-college nervous breakdown that i never really bounced back from

Any other pals genuinely a little unhinged? ADHD/Anxiety/depression is a given, i'm looking for some real lunatic compatriots

[JB]

Hi Pals. Got some venting I want to do and hopefully someone maybe has some advice. My wife and I have lost the spark in our relationship. We still love each other, but romance and intimacy is gone and has been for a while. Earlier this year I had a vasectomy, something which my wife pushed for, but I easily agreed because I don't feel any desire to have any more kids. I figured that being able to have sex with her without any worry of pregnancy would be great, but in the six months that have passed since my surgery, we may have had sex five or six times. At first, there was a reason why (I thought) we were holding out. When I had my follow up to the surgery to make sure that it worked, I was still potent after 2 months and the doctor told me to wait 6 more weeks and do another test. I haven't even gone back for the test. I've mentioned it to my wife saying that I need to make time to do another test to make sure I'm sterile, and she basically told me to just keep jerking off. After that, I stopped trying to make plans for another test.

Over the summer, my wife had a bit of breakdown. She told me that she's miserable, and right now I really don't even remember why, but it was at a very busy time for both of us and I know she was overwhelmed by a lot. I'm at home most of the time, so I try my best to help with cleaning, meals, laundry and everything else. I try to be intimate by giving her back rubs when we sit together, or rub her feet, just whatever I can to physically show her my affection, but it seriously feels like I'm an annoyance, or at least she won't give me any satisfaction of knowing she likes the attention I give. I used to ask her to rub my back when we'd sit and watch TV together, but during the breakdown she told me that when I ask for a back rub, she really wants to punch me in the face. This was in the summer and I haven't asked for anything since. Probably never will again.

I literally get nothing as far as affection goes. We've gone on dates and had great times but we'll go to bed without even a kiss goodnight if I'm not the one who gives it. There's been plenty of times where we've gone out, had loads of fun, I've tried my best to be flirty and make her feel like she's got 100% of my attention, had sitters for the kids so we'd have the house to ourselves, and still nothing from her. We're basically roommates. The worst part of all, is that she's communicated this to me multiple times that she feels like we're roommates or brother and sister, but she puts no effort into fixing this issue. It's all on me.

I'm not perfect, nor am I the most attractive or romantic man, but I think I do a pretty decent job at being a husband and a father. I don't necessarily think the issue has a lot to do with me not being enough, but that's how I feel. I feel like a chump. We've both talked about how we notice a lack of intimacy, and she has said that it's her and her insecurities. She's a bigger girl, has been since we've been together for 10 years (married 5), but I believe her issues with her weight are the root of why she seems so disinterested. I find her attractive, and as attractive as she's always been. I do my best to be supportive, try to give her time to work out, or help with healthy meals, but I can't do it all for her. Somehow this makes me feel guilty, or that I'm somehow at fault because I can't take this pain away or make her happier. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't make her happy with herself and therefore she can't be happy with me.

I'm not looking to leave her or anything drastic like that. I just want her to be happy and want to feel loved by her. Up until now, I've tried my best. I do the best I can around the house and with the kids. I know she'd love it if we went on more dates, and I try to spend time with her whenever we can. I bring her coffee and lunch at work. I really fucking try to be a good husband, and she'll even tell me that I am. She just doesn't bother to show it in any way. I really don't know what else I can do or give.

These past few days have really gotten me down, and I'm horrible at not showing my feelings. She can tell something is off with me, but I haven't had the heart to tell her "Hey, I'm bummed because you treat me like your brother, not your husband" because I don't want to make her feel worse about herself. I think she's been going through a bit of depression for a while, but won't do anything for herself. At the beginning of the year I was dealing with lots of anxiety and started seeing a therapist, whos been great, and my wife has been super supportive of that, but I don't think I can get her to do the same. She always makes an excuse that she doesn't have time, which then makes me feel guilty that I do have the time and that people accommodate for me to have that time. Basically I feel guiltly for doing anything that makes me happy if it doesn't involve her or my kids.

I really don't know what to do. I'm tried of trying to be the best I can be. This past week I've felt like I'd rather spend time alone than with her, but that's completely spiteful. I do love her and she's my best friend, but the total lack of romance is really building resentment inside me. I don't want it to get worse, but nothing has gotten better and we've both known this is an issue for a while.

And just to be clear, I'm not only talking about lack of sex. It's lack of everything. I'll be following her around the house as she's leaving for work to give her a kiss and she'll walk right out the door if I don't grab her and plant one on her lips. I'm the only one who says "I love you. Good night". It's a bummer and I feel like a total chump.

[Sizzle]

aren’t you the dude who talks about peeing in the sink and/or his pants all the time

Yeah, the pants thing was reasonable though, I just had an emergency situation where I actually really had to go in public, found the closest courteous spot away from any foot traffic because I hate peeing in public (under a bridge but not anywhere a homeless guy would sleep). decided to thread my worm through my pants because i don't have my id on me and don't want to get a ticket (i normally always unbutton, i don't know what possessed me to do this) and right when im finishing up a fucking undercover car pulls by me. I'm a little high and don't want to deal with it so i push out what i think is the last of it and start to make myself decent.  Unbeknownst to me the jeans had enough of a cinching effect to keep 3-4 fruit gushers worth of pee in my member. ruined my last clean pair of underwear and i had to get coffee from the deli wondering if i smelled faintly of pee the whole time i'm standing in line. just a bad experience all around

I'm not sure if my post was moved here or if I accidentally replied but since I'm here

Does anybody have any advice on coming to terms with being a toxic person? Obviously you change your ways and try to be better but it's been rough. It's a weird feeling realizing that although you may not be malicious you're still kind of a shitty person.  Anybody else have some massive dawning realization in their mid-20s that they're fundamentally kind of a cunt sometimes

[modern life is war]

i got pure-o OCD

[Alan]

Hi Pals. Got some venting I want to do and hopefully someone maybe has some advice. My wife and I have lost the spark in our relationship. We still love each other, but romance and intimacy is gone and has been for a while. Earlier this year I had a vasectomy, something which my wife pushed for, but I easily agreed because I don't feel any desire to have any more kids. I figured that being able to have sex with her without any worry of pregnancy would be great, but in the six months that have passed since my surgery, we may have had sex five or six times. At first, there was a reason why (I thought) we were holding out. When I had my follow up to the surgery to make sure that it worked, I was still potent after 2 months and the doctor told me to wait 6 more weeks and do another test. I haven't even gone back for the test. I've mentioned it to my wife saying that I need to make time to do another test to make sure I'm sterile, and she basically told me to just keep jerking off. After that, I stopped trying to make plans for another test.

Over the summer, my wife had a bit of breakdown. She told me that she's miserable, and right now I really don't even remember why, but it was at a very busy time for both of us and I know she was overwhelmed by a lot. I'm at home most of the time, so I try my best to help with cleaning, meals, laundry and everything else. I try to be intimate by giving her back rubs when we sit together, or rub her feet, just whatever I can to physically show her my affection, but it seriously feels like I'm an annoyance, or at least she won't give me any satisfaction of knowing she likes the attention I give. I used to ask her to rub my back when we'd sit and watch TV together, but during the breakdown she told me that when I ask for a back rub, she really wants to punch me in the face. This was in the summer and I haven't asked for anything since. Probably never will again.

I literally get nothing as far as affection goes. We've gone on dates and had great times but we'll go to bed without even a kiss goodnight if I'm not the one who gives it. There's been plenty of times where we've gone out, had loads of fun, I've tried my best to be flirty and make her feel like she's got 100% of my attention, had sitters for the kids so we'd have the house to ourselves, and still nothing from her. We're basically roommates. The worst part of all, is that she's communicated this to me multiple times that she feels like we're roommates or brother and sister, but she puts no effort into fixing this issue. It's all on me.

I'm not perfect, nor am I the most attractive or romantic man, but I think I do a pretty decent job at being a husband and a father. I don't necessarily think the issue has a lot to do with me not being enough, but that's how I feel. I feel like a chump. We've both talked about how we notice a lack of intimacy, and she has said that it's her and her insecurities. She's a bigger girl, has been since we've been together for 10 years (married 5), but I believe her issues with her weight are the root of why she seems so disinterested. I find her attractive, and as attractive as she's always been. I do my best to be supportive, try to give her time to work out, or help with healthy meals, but I can't do it all for her. Somehow this makes me feel guilty, or that I'm somehow at fault because I can't take this pain away or make her happier. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't make her happy with herself and therefore she can't be happy with me.

I'm not looking to leave her or anything drastic like that. I just want her to be happy and want to feel loved by her. Up until now, I've tried my best. I do the best I can around the house and with the kids. I know she'd love it if we went on more dates, and I try to spend time with her whenever we can. I bring her coffee and lunch at work. I really fucking try to be a good husband, and she'll even tell me that I am. She just doesn't bother to show it in any way. I really don't know what else I can do or give.

These past few days have really gotten me down, and I'm horrible at not showing my feelings. She can tell something is off with me, but I haven't had the heart to tell her "Hey, I'm bummed because you treat me like your brother, not your husband" because I don't want to make her feel worse about herself. I think she's been going through a bit of depression for a while, but won't do anything for herself. At the beginning of the year I was dealing with lots of anxiety and started seeing a therapist, whos been great, and my wife has been super supportive of that, but I don't think I can get her to do the same. She always makes an excuse that she doesn't have time, which then makes me feel guilty that I do have the time and that people accommodate for me to have that time. Basically I feel guiltly for doing anything that makes me happy if it doesn't involve her or my kids.

I really don't know what to do. I'm tried of trying to be the best I can be. This past week I've felt like I'd rather spend time alone than with her, but that's completely spiteful. I do love her and she's my best friend, but the total lack of romance is really building resentment inside me. I don't want it to get worse, but nothing has gotten better and we've both known this is an issue for a while.

And just to be clear, I'm not only talking about lack of sex. It's lack of everything. I'll be following her around the house as she's leaving for work to give her a kiss and she'll walk right out the door if I don't grab her and plant one on her lips. I'm the only one who says "I love you. Good night". It's a bummer and I feel like a total chump.

Never been in this situation, but it can't work if you both don't put in the work. And it seems like you're the only one doing that. And in the end, something's gotta give. The status quo isn't doing anyone any good. Also, I think it's ok if you spend some time alone rather than trying to coax her into being more active in your relationship.

[Mr. Kamikazi]

i got pure-o OCD

Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior

A great book that is currently helping me a ton. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Know this; it’s your brain, not you. You are not OCD. You have a medical condition. That information itself has been extremely helpful for me. The book is self guided therapy. Check it out.

[Noble Experiment]

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Was on vacation for the week and not having a solid sleep schedule to follow during my vacation has royally fucked up my sleep schedule. I was going to bed and waking up at the most random hours.

I would get gnarly bouts of insomnia five years back where I would get stuck in cycles of not being able to sleep well; it was usually triggered by a couple nights of bad sleep in a row, my mind would get anxious and I would start worrying “damn what if tonight I can’t sleep well again and tomorrow I’m tired again?” Which would in turn cause me to not sleep well cuz I would be too anxious and worried that I wasn’t going to sleep well again; so essentially I wasn’t sleeping well cuz I was worrying too much that I wasn’t going to sleep well; it was a vicious cycle pretty much. It would last for days or weeks at a time before it would get better and slowly go away, but it would still happen here n there quite often if I were to get a couple shitty nights of sleep in a row. This pretty much stopped happening when I got my current job though five years ago; it was my first full time job and I no longer had as much freedom with my sleep schedule; I had to wake up and sleep at the same time every day, but I think this was what helped my sleep out, I think having too much freedom to go to bed and wake up when I wanted contributed a lot to these bouts of insomnia, having a grounded schedule pretty much forced me to have to sleep and wake at a set time every day which helped my sleep hygiene tremendously and this pretty much stopped my bouts of insomnia from happening (except for like one or two short bouts in the last five years that came about when I had to switch my work schedule and had to adapt to a temporary earlier schedule, but those bouts fixed themselves pretty quickly).

Fast forward to now, I’m on a week long vacation, the first time I’ve been off for this long since I started working at my job five years ago, and the insomnia comes back after a couple nights of shitty sleep cuz I was going to bed at the most random times and waking up at random times. Haven’t been sleeping well and been tired for days now, and I’m honestly thinking it’s just due to not having to follow a schedule and having too much freedom to go to bed and wake up when I want. I’m hoping me having to go back to work in a couple days and having to go back to a routine of going to bed and waking at the same time every day will get things back on track again.

[close]

I've had the same problem before. Do you take any supplements to help you sleep? I've got a bit of a regimen and it has worked wonders for me - Vitamin D in the morning, magnesium and vitamin C at night before bed. Everyone is different but something similar might work for you if you've never tried it

[close]

Nah, haven’t tried any supplements. For me I already know it’s all mental; I get in this weird cycle of getting bad sleep and then psyching myself out with thoughts such as “damn, that’s two nights now where you couldn’t sleep; what if tonight you don’t sleep well again and you’re tired again tomorrow?” and then I end up not sleeping well because I’m too anxious and paranoid that I’m not gonna sleep well; it’s pretty much like a vicious cycle lol: I don’t sleep well because I’m paranoid that I’m not gonna sleep well. Pretty much an irrational fear. I just gotta get my mind to not care or to convince my mind that it’s not that big of a deal to not sleep well and that being tired isn’t going to kill me and that I’ve gone through plenty of sleepless nights before and came out fine and that sleep is easy once you just stop thinking so much. Those thoughts come eventually and then I remember not to be so psyched out and then the insomnia will go away, but sometimes it could take a while to rebuild up those thoughts of not psyching myself out too much, especially when you’re tired and paranoid and anxious that you can’t sleep and all you want to do is just sleep. Used to get in these cycles a lot back in the early 2010s; then in the late 2010s to 2021 they started happening a lot more rarely. From like 2017 til like 2020 I actually didn’t have any of these episodes at all actually. Last episode I had was 2021 and it was the first one I had had in a while, triggered by a couple bad nights of sleep in a row, but it only lasted about half a week to a little under a week from what I remember until I built up the thoughts of not psyching myself out and the insomnia went away. This one now is the first one in a while that is lasting a while and psyching me out more than I thought it would. I’ve beat it before a bunch of times so I know I can do it again, I just got to remind my mind not to be so psyched out, it’s just that it’s just so annoying and a mind fuck sometimes to remind myself not to be so psyched out.

Wow, I don’t think I’ve honestly shared this info with anyone before, or if I have it was only to a few people and they just look at me like “bro, this is such an irrational fear” and I’m just like “you think I don’t know this?” lol. After getting those reactions I just stopped telling people the full details cuz i just don’t want them to look at me like I’m some sort of weirdo for having this, but it honestly feels good to just put this out there for the first time in full detail, pretty liberating feeling actually.

Posted this in “things you are not stoked on” but figured I’d post it in here too, just in case there are others who go through the same thing I’m going through.
Update: I managed to get a few good nights of rest in a row after this, and it looked like my sleeping was back on track and the stress and anxiety of not being able to sleep was about to dwindle away again, but then on Saturday night my dumbass decided to stay out all night and ended up only getting an hour or two of sleep so the sleep anxiety came back. So now I gotta work on negating that again; took about a week the first time, it just sucks cuz it’s such an anxiety filled process and feels like time drags on when you’re dealing with it, even in those instances where it’s just a week or less, but once you come to terms that you’re overthinking and it goes away you always are left thinking “wow, I can’t believe I was so anxious about this the whole time” lol.

Also, I had no clue this thread existed. I don’t think some people understand how much venting and being able to find people that can empathize with your issues helps when people are going through rough shit, so the fact that this thread is around really makes me happy; people talk shit on Slap about how hateful we can be but beneath it all we really do look out for each other.

[modern life is war]

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i got pure-o OCD

[close]

Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior

A great book that is currently helping me a ton. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Know this; it’s your brain, not you. You are not OCD. You have a medical condition. That information itself has been extremely helpful for me. The book is self guided therapy. Check it out.

Thanks man, i'll look into it. I appreciate the recommendation. I've had pure-O on and off for a while now, probably started in my mid-teens but worsened in my early 20s. I went to OCD-specific therapy at the OCD Center of LA which was life-changing. Since then I've had a lot of good years with minimal OCD. I am currently having a 'flare-up'. It's been hard because I am short on work right now so I have a lot of time to think and not much to distract me from my mind, but the good thing is that at this point in my life I know these times will just come and go and you just have to roll with it.

If I'm ever feeling sorry for myself I just remind myself that pretty much everyone has something going on, whether it's a gnarly physical ailment, a disease, an addiction or a mental health issue. OCD is hard but everyone deals with something, and I've been blessed with having great health in every other part of my life.

Here to chat if you ever want someone to talk about OCD stuff with.

[sexualhelon]

Hi Pals. Got some venting I want to do and hopefully someone maybe has some advice. My wife and I have lost the spark in our relationship. We still love each other, but romance and intimacy is gone and has been for a while. Earlier this year I had a vasectomy, something which my wife pushed for, but I easily agreed because I don't feel any desire to have any more kids. I figured that being able to have sex with her without any worry of pregnancy would be great, but in the six months that have passed since my surgery, we may have had sex five or six times. At first, there was a reason why (I thought) we were holding out. When I had my follow up to the surgery to make sure that it worked, I was still potent after 2 months and the doctor told me to wait 6 more weeks and do another test. I haven't even gone back for the test. I've mentioned it to my wife saying that I need to make time to do another test to make sure I'm sterile, and she basically told me to just keep jerking off. After that, I stopped trying to make plans for another test.

Over the summer, my wife had a bit of breakdown. She told me that she's miserable, and right now I really don't even remember why, but it was at a very busy time for both of us and I know she was overwhelmed by a lot. I'm at home most of the time, so I try my best to help with cleaning, meals, laundry and everything else. I try to be intimate by giving her back rubs when we sit together, or rub her feet, just whatever I can to physically show her my affection, but it seriously feels like I'm an annoyance, or at least she won't give me any satisfaction of knowing she likes the attention I give. I used to ask her to rub my back when we'd sit and watch TV together, but during the breakdown she told me that when I ask for a back rub, she really wants to punch me in the face. This was in the summer and I haven't asked for anything since. Probably never will again.

I literally get nothing as far as affection goes. We've gone on dates and had great times but we'll go to bed without even a kiss goodnight if I'm not the one who gives it. There's been plenty of times where we've gone out, had loads of fun, I've tried my best to be flirty and make her feel like she's got 100% of my attention, had sitters for the kids so we'd have the house to ourselves, and still nothing from her. We're basically roommates. The worst part of all, is that she's communicated this to me multiple times that she feels like we're roommates or brother and sister, but she puts no effort into fixing this issue. It's all on me.

I'm not perfect, nor am I the most attractive or romantic man, but I think I do a pretty decent job at being a husband and a father. I don't necessarily think the issue has a lot to do with me not being enough, but that's how I feel. I feel like a chump. We've both talked about how we notice a lack of intimacy, and she has said that it's her and her insecurities. She's a bigger girl, has been since we've been together for 10 years (married 5), but I believe her issues with her weight are the root of why she seems so disinterested. I find her attractive, and as attractive as she's always been. I do my best to be supportive, try to give her time to work out, or help with healthy meals, but I can't do it all for her. Somehow this makes me feel guilty, or that I'm somehow at fault because I can't take this pain away or make her happier. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't make her happy with herself and therefore she can't be happy with me.

I'm not looking to leave her or anything drastic like that. I just want her to be happy and want to feel loved by her. Up until now, I've tried my best. I do the best I can around the house and with the kids. I know she'd love it if we went on more dates, and I try to spend time with her whenever we can. I bring her coffee and lunch at work. I really fucking try to be a good husband, and she'll even tell me that I am. She just doesn't bother to show it in any way. I really don't know what else I can do or give.

These past few days have really gotten me down, and I'm horrible at not showing my feelings. She can tell something is off with me, but I haven't had the heart to tell her "Hey, I'm bummed because you treat me like your brother, not your husband" because I don't want to make her feel worse about herself. I think she's been going through a bit of depression for a while, but won't do anything for herself. At the beginning of the year I was dealing with lots of anxiety and started seeing a therapist, whos been great, and my wife has been super supportive of that, but I don't think I can get her to do the same. She always makes an excuse that she doesn't have time, which then makes me feel guilty that I do have the time and that people accommodate for me to have that time. Basically I feel guiltly for doing anything that makes me happy if it doesn't involve her or my kids.

I really don't know what to do. I'm tried of trying to be the best I can be. This past week I've felt like I'd rather spend time alone than with her, but that's completely spiteful. I do love her and she's my best friend, but the total lack of romance is really building resentment inside me. I don't want it to get worse, but nothing has gotten better and we've both known this is an issue for a while.

And just to be clear, I'm not only talking about lack of sex. It's lack of everything. I'll be following her around the house as she's leaving for work to give her a kiss and she'll walk right out the door if I don't grab her and plant one on her lips. I'm the only one who says "I love you. Good night". It's a bummer and I feel like a total chump.

Well, considering I just went through - and tbh am still processing it - a divorce I can try to relate and throw you my 2 cents. My ex and I don't have kids so it's a bit different but that aside, I'd be more akin to your wife here.

Relationships take work and sometimes, despite your history together, things fall flat. If someone isn't able to function on their own because of personal issues it's usually really difficult for them to build relationships. When you're already in one, it's easy to just be comfortable and let it deteriorate thinking the other person will always be there.

Staying attracted to each other and keeping the flame going, it's not always easy. It takes two to tango and it sounds like you're the one trying.

At this point, I think it's fine for you to focus on yourself and your kids. I'm not saying to jump ship just yet but do what makes you happy that doesn't necessarily involve her. I'd imagine you want to get things going in a positive direction but she's got to be willing to work with you and on herself.  Both people always do, that's a constant.

Now, I can say, that in my relationship I think I was comfortable and not putting in work on myself or the relationship. I wasn't happy with myself, the place we were living, and lots of other things. I was depressed and pretty miserable to be around. For me, the reality check was a divorce but I think it came to that point because we realized we were both unhappy for a long time. I guess neither of us felt like the relationship was worth it anymore.

I think that's what I needed to really make a change. I started drinking less - might quit completely, exercising more, and really trying to focus on being a better version of myself. Tbh, I might still be moping around if it didn't come to this.

I say that not to put the focus on me but because, as I said earlier, I think I'm more akin to your wife here. If she's where I was, she probably needs a huge reality check. I'm not sure exactly what that is but if you haven't already then I think you should have a serious conversation with her about where your relationship is and where you're both at personally. Have that discussion and figure out where to go from there.

Hope my 2 cents helps you out in some way.
 

[Jim and Dan]

Expand Quote

Hi Pals. Got some venting I want to do and hopefully someone maybe has some advice. My wife and I have lost the spark in our relationship. We still love each other, but romance and intimacy is gone and has been for a while. Earlier this year I had a vasectomy, something which my wife pushed for, but I easily agreed because I don't feel any desire to have any more kids. I figured that being able to have sex with her without any worry of pregnancy would be great, but in the six months that have passed since my surgery, we may have had sex five or six times. At first, there was a reason why (I thought) we were holding out. When I had my follow up to the surgery to make sure that it worked, I was still potent after 2 months and the doctor told me to wait 6 more weeks and do another test. I haven't even gone back for the test. I've mentioned it to my wife saying that I need to make time to do another test to make sure I'm sterile, and she basically told me to just keep jerking off. After that, I stopped trying to make plans for another test.

Over the summer, my wife had a bit of breakdown. She told me that she's miserable, and right now I really don't even remember why, but it was at a very busy time for both of us and I know she was overwhelmed by a lot. I'm at home most of the time, so I try my best to help with cleaning, meals, laundry and everything else. I try to be intimate by giving her back rubs when we sit together, or rub her feet, just whatever I can to physically show her my affection, but it seriously feels like I'm an annoyance, or at least she won't give me any satisfaction of knowing she likes the attention I give. I used to ask her to rub my back when we'd sit and watch TV together, but during the breakdown she told me that when I ask for a back rub, she really wants to punch me in the face. This was in the summer and I haven't asked for anything since. Probably never will again.

I literally get nothing as far as affection goes. We've gone on dates and had great times but we'll go to bed without even a kiss goodnight if I'm not the one who gives it. There's been plenty of times where we've gone out, had loads of fun, I've tried my best to be flirty and make her feel like she's got 100% of my attention, had sitters for the kids so we'd have the house to ourselves, and still nothing from her. We're basically roommates. The worst part of all, is that she's communicated this to me multiple times that she feels like we're roommates or brother and sister, but she puts no effort into fixing this issue. It's all on me.

I'm not perfect, nor am I the most attractive or romantic man, but I think I do a pretty decent job at being a husband and a father. I don't necessarily think the issue has a lot to do with me not being enough, but that's how I feel. I feel like a chump. We've both talked about how we notice a lack of intimacy, and she has said that it's her and her insecurities. She's a bigger girl, has been since we've been together for 10 years (married 5), but I believe her issues with her weight are the root of why she seems so disinterested. I find her attractive, and as attractive as she's always been. I do my best to be supportive, try to give her time to work out, or help with healthy meals, but I can't do it all for her. Somehow this makes me feel guilty, or that I'm somehow at fault because I can't take this pain away or make her happier. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't make her happy with herself and therefore she can't be happy with me.

I'm not looking to leave her or anything drastic like that. I just want her to be happy and want to feel loved by her. Up until now, I've tried my best. I do the best I can around the house and with the kids. I know she'd love it if we went on more dates, and I try to spend time with her whenever we can. I bring her coffee and lunch at work. I really fucking try to be a good husband, and she'll even tell me that I am. She just doesn't bother to show it in any way. I really don't know what else I can do or give.

These past few days have really gotten me down, and I'm horrible at not showing my feelings. She can tell something is off with me, but I haven't had the heart to tell her "Hey, I'm bummed because you treat me like your brother, not your husband" because I don't want to make her feel worse about herself. I think she's been going through a bit of depression for a while, but won't do anything for herself. At the beginning of the year I was dealing with lots of anxiety and started seeing a therapist, whos been great, and my wife has been super supportive of that, but I don't think I can get her to do the same. She always makes an excuse that she doesn't have time, which then makes me feel guilty that I do have the time and that people accommodate for me to have that time. Basically I feel guiltly for doing anything that makes me happy if it doesn't involve her or my kids.

I really don't know what to do. I'm tried of trying to be the best I can be. This past week I've felt like I'd rather spend time alone than with her, but that's completely spiteful. I do love her and she's my best friend, but the total lack of romance is really building resentment inside me. I don't want it to get worse, but nothing has gotten better and we've both known this is an issue for a while.

And just to be clear, I'm not only talking about lack of sex. It's lack of everything. I'll be following her around the house as she's leaving for work to give her a kiss and she'll walk right out the door if I don't grab her and plant one on her lips. I'm the only one who says "I love you. Good night". It's a bummer and I feel like a total chump.

[close]

Well, considering I just went through - and tbh am still processing it - a divorce I can try to relate and throw you my 2 cents. My ex and I don't have kids so it's a bit different but that aside, I'd be more akin to your wife here.

Relationships take work and sometimes, despite your history together, things fall flat. If someone isn't able to function on their own because of personal issues it's usually really difficult for them to build relationships. When you're already in one, it's easy to just be comfortable and let it deteriorate thinking the other person will always be there.

Staying attracted to each other and keeping the flame going, it's not always easy. It takes two to tango and it sounds like you're the one trying.

At this point, I think it's fine for you to focus on yourself and your kids. I'm not saying to jump ship just yet but do what makes you happy that doesn't necessarily involve her. I'd imagine you want to get things going in a positive direction but she's got to be willing to work with you and on herself.  Both people always do, that's a constant.

Now, I can say, that in my relationship I think I was comfortable and not putting in work on myself or the relationship. I wasn't happy with myself, the place we were living, and lots of other things. I was depressed and pretty miserable to be around. For me, the reality check was a divorce but I think it came to that point because we realized we were both unhappy for a long time. I guess neither of us felt like the relationship was worth it anymore.

I think that's what I needed to really make a change. I started drinking less - might quit completely, exercising more, and really trying to focus on being a better version of myself. Tbh, I might still be moping around if it didn't come to this.

I say that not to put the focus on me but because, as I said earlier, I think I'm more akin to your wife here. If she's where I was, she probably needs a huge reality check. I'm not sure exactly what that is but if you haven't already then I think you should have a serious conversation with her about where your relationship is and where you're both at personally. Have that discussion and figure out where to go from there.

Hope my 2 cents helps you out in some way.

@JB you're preaching to the choir here good sir (although I'm not married but have been with the same woman for 7 years now) and yes, it is extremely painful to the point of feeling like you are somehow failing someone you love and care about deeply. I've been working on myself in all seriousness the last 5 years (since I got sober) and felt like I could finally be the loving and caring person I always was and wanted to be so desperately... I really feel for you man and always feel free to message me if you need someone to row the same boat with you. Godspeed little doodle, godspeed...

[Alan]

My condolences. RIP Brandon

[Sizzle]

Giving all you guys a big hug. Could use one myself. Love all you fellas.

[Frank]

hoping 2023 treats everyone of you well

[landedprimo]

Be well, everyone.

[Ms. Tamzarian]

Happy 2023 everyone

I have had a very on and off presence on here over the years and I know its just a fun place where we go to chat about our hobbies but SLAP really means so much to me and I appreciate the shit out of you all.

About 3 weeks ago, I emergency moved out of the apartment my now ex and I had together. We were together for 3 years, and I don't want to vilify anyone, but they have some serious behavioral problems. They were very abusive. I don't know how I got so caught in it or how abuse ever ensnares people like it does, but it happened to me. It was so fucked and they controlled my life, destroyed my friendships, dictated my activities, stifled my hobbies - you name it they did it for 3 years and with every time I somehow found the courage to say please don't hurt me, their promises to stop turned into a more sophisticated method of doing the same thing.

My oldest sister and I were talking one morning about 3 weeks ago and she was the one to finally break the spell and encourage me to get the fuck out, so I drove from my job back back to the apartment.... my ex was of course home.... I gathered up whatever belongings I could as well as my beloved kitty cat, doing my best to not succumb to the battering of manipulative shit they were saying as I prepared my things.... they even had one of their boyfriends (yes) come over while I was leaving to "keep them safe" because apparently seeing me flee for my safety just broke their heart? I don't fucking know dude I can't even begin with that shit, I don't mean to just be talking shit at this point but idk I just want to say shit was scary as fuck while at the same time being the most bitter slap in the face but I STILL DID IT

and now I'm safe I'm in the process of remembering what the fuck it feels like to be myself and not live every fucking second in terror of what an abusive partner would do if I ever stood up for myself. 

There were several times over the past 3 years when I would just rant about the dumbest shit on here and I want to apologize for that, that was 100% my bad. The fucking situation I was in.... I ended up having sporadic outbursts in my life over nothing because I had nowhere else to turn, every other avenue of emotion in my life had become hostile and roped off by my ex. I didn't even have access to skateboarding cause that would've meant I was enjoying life without my partner? Idfk ugh but yeah I literally didn't know shit about skating for 3 years so I'm sorry for all the ignorant shit I said about skaters that was on me. No one owes me a thing, but I hope to turn a new leaf and just be the kid inside of me that got forced into a dark corner for the past 3 years. It's good to be on here again and know I wont have to dip when things become weird at home

Cause that shit was never home and won't ever be home again!

I'm very lucky to be staying at my folks place now, currently recovering from the god damn rona ugh my first rodeo with it, I can't wait to get myself a new complete and go skate again as soon as I'm well!

[scab]

^Glad you made it out of there! As someone who came back to skateboarding after 18 years off the board due to life stuff in general, I'm very happy to report that skating is there for you when you get back. Please make sure to let us gear nerds know about your new complete in the set-up thread once you get it!

[RoaryMcTwang]

Happy 2023 everyone

I have had a very on and off presence on here over the years and I know its just a fun place where we go to chat about our hobbies but SLAP really means so much to me and I appreciate the shit out of you all.

About 3 weeks ago, I emergency moved out of the apartment my now ex and I had together. We were together for 3 years, and I don't want to vilify anyone, but they have some serious behavioral problems. They were very abusive. I don't know how I got so caught in it or how abuse ever ensnares people like it does, but it happened to me. It was so fucked and they controlled my life, destroyed my friendships, dictated my activities, stifled my hobbies - you name it they did it for 3 years and with every time I somehow found the courage to say please don't hurt me, their promises to stop turned into a more sophisticated method of doing the same thing.

My oldest sister and I were talking one morning about 3 weeks ago and she was the one to finally break the spell and encourage me to get the fuck out, so I drove from my job back back to the apartment.... my ex was of course home.... I gathered up whatever belongings I could as well as my beloved kitty cat, doing my best to not succumb to the battering of manipulative shit they were saying as I prepared my things.... they even had one of their boyfriends (yes) come over while I was leaving to "keep them safe" because apparently seeing me flee for my safety just broke their heart? I don't fucking know dude I can't even begin with that shit, I don't mean to just be talking shit at this point but idk I just want to say shit was scary as fuck while at the same time being the most bitter slap in the face but I STILL DID IT

and now I'm safe I'm in the process of remembering what the fuck it feels like to be myself and not live every fucking second in terror of what an abusive partner would do if I ever stood up for myself. 

There were several times over the past 3 years when I would just rant about the dumbest shit on here and I want to apologize for that, that was 100% my bad. The fucking situation I was in.... I ended up having sporadic outbursts in my life over nothing because I had nowhere else to turn, every other avenue of emotion in my life had become hostile and roped off by my ex. I didn't even have access to skateboarding cause that would've meant I was enjoying life without my partner? Idfk ugh but yeah I literally didn't know shit about skating for 3 years so I'm sorry for all the ignorant shit I said about skaters that was on me. No one owes me a thing, but I hope to turn a new leaf and just be the kid inside of me that got forced into a dark corner for the past 3 years. It's good to be on here again and know I wont have to dip when things become weird at home

Cause that shit was never home and won't ever be home again!

I'm very lucky to be staying at my folks place now, currently recovering from the god damn rona ugh my first rodeo with it, I can't wait to get myself a new complete and go skate again as soon as I'm well!

Cheerio Ms. Tamzarian, great to see you back here! Like Scab I'm glad to hear you've made it out of there. Sometimes we just get wrapped up in situations that are not good for us and need some time to pull ourselves out of them. Well done. I'm also very happy to hear that your relatives are so supportive as well and that you can lean on them in this challenging situation. And yeah skating is always out there waiting for you!

[Candied cigarettes]

I think my self confidence issues are extremely minimal compared to everything else people are writing about here but I’ll say it anyway. Lately been feeling like I can’t do anything right and I’m only getting recognized for when i fuck up, which seems to be every day. Feeling stuck in this self detructive phase where i focus on all my shortcomings and brush off anything i do well as insignificant or meaningless