After confessing to the girl that I've been infatuated with for a few years and being turned down, I've been all kinds of fucked up. It bothers me a lot more than anticipated and way past the point where I'm pissed off at myself for caring so much when I've got faaaar more pressing issues on my plate. That was my first time ever doing something like that. I feel weak and impotent all the time, but never have I felt it on this level. Anyway, since doing that I've doubled down on dating apps hoping to find anyone to help me move on. As stated before I've never really seen any success with that, but since trying a few new to me apps, I feel like I make some progress and some women actually talk back to me. I get what I consider quite few bites on Hinge because the format of commenting on specific profile answers and pics plays to my strengths as a writer. It usually fizzles out because I get a lot of short conversation killing replies. It makes it clear that it's clearly going to be my job as the male to keep the conversation going which is deeply annoying enough in person let alone an app where both parties have unlimited time to formulate their next contact.
Still dealing with stress ticks. Swear to god I look like I'm having a seizure when I'm trying to go to sleep. I'm glad no one sees this shit. I'd probably get a one way ticket back to the funny farm. I probably should be there, but you know, capitalism. I don't get paid disability from the state as my job is federal. I'm trying very hard to not lose my apartment and car.
Dude it’s crazy how much a rejection can set you back. I went on three dates with this girl that I quickly became enamored with. She shut me down and I was super fucked up. I had just come from having two simultaneous open relationships too, not bragging at all, just to say that it made me even more like “why am I tripping so hard on this?”
Anyway, it rocked my shit and even after getting with a few girls via the apps I was still so fucked up. Even almost a year later I’m like, I wish I never met that girl. I don’t know if the apps will help you or not, they kinda made it worse for me. I’m not sure how to get over these kind of things and it’s easy to hate yourself for even being so affected but I guess I’m just saying, I feel you and if it’s any consolation this shit happens I guess and you’re not the only one out there dealing with it. It kinda helps me hearing that it’s somewhat normal and a part of life.